faith | hope | trick ... quotes: BTVS S6/Ep15 (115)

Quotes | Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S6/Ep15 (115)
"As You Were"

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Todd: The thing you gotta learn about the Palace, and this takes a while, is that job security all boils down to one simple thing. Politics. Now, I'm not a political animal, but you learn fast around here or it's wham! Hello glass ceiling. I mean, it's not like we work at Burger World, or the Happy Bun, where the power structure is simple. No, here at the Palace, you gotta keep your friends close, but your enemies? Closer. It's like Machiavelli says. You know Machiavelli, right? Buffy: Tall guy, bleached mullet, works day shifts? Todd: I'm sorry. My bad. I keep forgetting you dropped out of college.
Buffy: You go to night school? Todd: I'm working on my MBA. Think I wanna spend the rest of my life cleaning grease traps? Ooh, don't forget to lock up before you go, and the gum under the tables? Be sure to give it a good scrape before you leave. Buffy: May I? Todd: See you tomorrow! Buffy: Yes, you will. And the day after that, (sighs) and the day after that, and the day after that...
Buffy: "Get the double treat, that's the double sweet, oh it's hard to beat, when the meat meets–" Oh, why can't I get this stupid jingle out of my head? Vamp: Least of your problems now, little girl.
Buffy: Okay, let's do this. Quickly. Vamp: What's that smell? Geez, Slayer, is that you? Buffy: I've been working! Vamp: Where, in a slaughterhouse?! Buffy: Double Meat Palace. Vamp: Ohhh...You know what? Let's just call it a night. If it's all the same to you, and you've been eating that stuff, I'm not so sure I wanna bite you. Buffy: You're dead! You smell like it! How do you get to say I'm the one who's stinky? Vamp: Really, it's, it's cool, I'll just catch you next time.
Buffy: Oh, for pete's sake. Spike? Spike: Ah, it's a fair cop, you caught me, Slayer. However, in all honesty, I think we have to say this one doesn't count. After all, I wasn't exactly hiding. Buffy: No, Spike. Spike: No? What kind of answer is that, you haven't even heard the question yet. Buffy: I don't have to. We both know what you're thinking. Spike: And we both know...that I'm not the only one thinking it.
Spike: So it's the fear of getting caught, then, is it? Buffy: Reason number one on a very long list.
Dawn: Rough night? Buffy: The usual. I-I brought you dinner. Dawn: Oh, great. Oh. Buffy: I-I know it's not the most original these days, but...I made it myself. I-I made hundreds, actually, but this is the, the very best one. Dawn: It...looks kinda squished. Buffy: Oh, well just, you know, just...give it a sec. Yeah, these babies really bounce back. Literally.
Dawn: Buffy...it's not like I don't appreciate it, I do. It's just that...I can't eat this stuff another night. I'm sorry. Buffy: Oh! No, it, it's all good. I get it. Tell you what, tomorrow night, I'll, uh, I'll bring home the fisherman's nuggets with cheese.
Willow: Hey, workin' lady. Rough night? Buffy: Why does everybody keep asking me that? Willow: Uh, no reason, I just ... thought you were busy with the slayage 'cause of that grass stain. Dawn: Some vamp get rough with you? Buffy: He's not getting any gentler. Willow: He? Buffy: They. Them. You know. Vampires in the, in the...general population sense.
Buffy: Now I'm gonna have to wash this. Willow: Ready for a bold suggestion? Blow it off! Dawnie and I are headed out to the Bronze. Dawn: Um, do I have your permission and wanna come along? You like how I slipped in that permission request like that? Willow: Very smooth.
Buffy: You guys go. Dawn: Really? Willow: Buffy, are you sure? I-it might do you good to get away from the Double Meat lifestyle for a night. See your friends. Dawn: Who'd love to see you. Buffy: I'm sure. I've seen enough action for one night.
Anya: See-this seating chart makes no sense. We have to do it again. We can't do it again. You do it. Xander: The seating chart's fine. Let's get back to the table arrangements. I'm starting to have dreams of gardenia bouquets. I am so glad my manly coworkers didn't just hear me say that.
Anya: Will you stop wolfing down those chips? One more bag and you'll pop right out of your cummerbund. You're not even hungry, you're just nervous. Xander: Yeah! Wedding, one week! We have friends, family, demons flying in, a to-do list getting no shorter, and do NOT take my chips.
Dawn: Hey guys! How's the soon-to-be-newlyweds? Nervous? Anya/Xander: No! Dawn: Okay. I'll just be over here then.
Dawn: Your Arnold Palmer, milady. Willow: Thanks. So how are Mr. and Mrs. High-Strung? Dawn: I'm betting they explode. Willow: You know, when I was little, I used to spend hours imagining what my wedding to Xander would be like. And now I look at them...I just think "Nee-hee-hee!"
Dawn: You're awfully chipper tonight. Willow: Can't hide it. Dawn: Hmm. Big wedding coming up...lots of date possibilities...you and Tara are speaking again. You wanna call her? Invite her over? Willow: Oh, no. Too soon for so bold a maneuver. But if I did call? She wouldn't hang up on me. Dawn: That's progress! Willow: Hence the happy.
Buffy: "Dear Ms. Summers, we are sorry to reject..." Dawn: What's that? Buffy: Nothing.
Dawn: Huh. Bronze was fun last night. In a total home-by-eleven-ish way. You should have come. Buffy: Well, next time. Where are you going? Dawn: School? Buffy: Oh. That's good. Uh, don't you want breakfast first? Dawn: Already made it. See you this afternoon? Unless you're working. Tonight then. Or, you know, tomorrow's cool. Don't work too hard.
Buffy: Welcome to the Double Meat Palace, how may I help...You. Riley: Hey. Buffy: Huh?
Riley: Sorry to just drop in on you like this, Buffy. Buffy: It's you. Riley: It's me. Buffy: You're here. Riley: I know. Buffy: And...were you always this tall? Riley: Look, this isn't the way I wanted it. But something's come up, something big. We don't have much time. You understand? Buffy: Not a word you've said so far.
Riley: Right. I should have known, anticipated. You're working. Buffy: Well, just counter, not grill any more. Riley: I want to explain, I just don't have time. I've been up for 48 hours straight tracking something bad, and now it's come to Sunnydale. Buffy: My hat has a cow. Riley: I know that I'm putting you on the spot, showing up like this, but...but you know, here we are. I need the best. I need you, Buffy. Can you help me?
Todd: Hellooo, Buffy? People are waiting. Buffy, uh...Buffy! Wait! Buffy!
Riley: Look, I'm sorry this is all so sudden. You know, if we get a minute, I'd really like to sit down... Buffy: What is it? Riley: Suvolte demon. Rare, lethal...nearly extinct, but not nearly enough. It's close.
Riley: What? Buffy: Sorry. It's just...you still carry around all that James Bond stuff. It's so cute! I forgot.
Riley: We've been tear-assing through every jungle from Paraguay up, taking out nests.As soon as we put one Suvolte down, a dozen take its place. They're breeders, Buffy. One turns into ten, ten becomes a hundred. This gets out of hand and there's a war with humans? Humans are gonna lose. Buffy: So they're like really mean tribbles. Sorry, I've been dealing with these, these geeks, it's, it's a whole thing.
Riley: National Forestry Service, we got a wild bear! Everybody stand back! Look out!
Buffy: How's your arm? Riley: It'll heal. How you doin'? Buffy: Complicated question. Riley: I just meant- Buffy: I know. Riley: I hear ya. Got some, uh...big stories to tell you to. If we ever get half a second. Buffy: Did you die? Riley: No. Buffy: I'm gonna win.
Riley: Here. No offense, but this is black ops, and you look like a pylon. Buffy: Ninja wear? Riley: Battle gear. Lightweight Kevlar, state of the art. Buffy: What a surprise. Riley: Boys like toys. Put it on, thank me later.
Buffy: So...the black-ops life, it's workin' out for ya? Riley: Don't suck. Buffy: They got dental? Riley: Yeah, we're covered.
Riley: You know, there's not many people I'd ask to risk their life for me, Buffy. It's really goodto see you. Buffy: Thanks. Riley: You're welcome. And Buffy...love the hair.
Anya: I think we died in this car on the way to the airport, and now we're stuck in hell. Xander: The radio said no traffic. Anya: It's a hell radio, of course it said that. We'll never get to the airport in time to pick up your stupid uncle.
Xander: It just gives my uncle Rory more time at the bar. Trust me, he'll be happy. Anya: Great. So he can sleep off his drunken stupor on our newly re-upholstered couch. Xander: He can't afford a hotel. Anya: Why are you defending him? Xander: I'm not. I hate my uncle. I hate my whole family. That's why I'm marrying you, to start a new family. Have children, make them hate us, then one day they'll get married, we'll sleep on their couch. It's the circle of life. Anya: Well, the Gnarals are teleporting in in twenty minutes. If I'm not there to greet them? Somebody's getting incinerated.
Xander: Why did we ever agree to have your friends, who are demons, and my family, who are monsters, stay at our place? Anya: Well, I can only do so much, Xander. Planning this marriage is like staging the invasion of Normandy. Xander: Without the laughs. We should have eloped. Anya: No! I've been through too much planning this wedding, and it is going to happen. It is going to be our perfect, perfect day if I have to kill every one of our guests and half this town to do it.
Buffy: Down we go? Riley: Looks that way. Buffy: That's a big first step. So, Mr. Finn, got an extra jet-pack for a girl like me? Riley: Sorry, fresh out of jet-packs. Looks like we'll have to share.
Riley: This test line's built for one, so if we go together, we're not hauling any gear. Just be you and me. Buffy: I was never big on the hardware anyway. Riley: You hold onto me? Buffy: If that's what it takes. Riley: Come on.
Sam: Hey....Hey there. What exactly are you doing with my husband?
Buffy: Husband? Wife. And...those aren't code names like Big Dog or Falcon or...I didn't think so. Riley: Buffy, meet Sam. Sam, Buffy. Sam: Pleasure. Buffy: Demon. Sam: Mine.
Buffy: How long have you been married? Riley: Four months almost. Buffy: Mazel tov. Any children? Riley: Buffy, I meant to tell you. When the time was right. She caught up to us a hell of a lot faster than I would've guessed possible. She does that. Buffy: So, you-you guys do this often, you know, the whole...husband-and-wife tag-team demon fighting thing? Riley: Yeah, it's what brought us together. I almost feel sorry for the Suvolte.
Buffy: Okay? Wait...you guys have been tracking this thing as a couple for two days straight, and you...did want it dead, right?...Oh. Sam: Let me guess. Captain Can-Do over here forgot to mention that this was a homing operation. But it's nice to finally meet you, by the way. Knife. Buffy: What is a homing operation? Riley: It's my fault. I should have explained. Buffy: That would have saved me some...trouble.
Sam: We're too late. Finn, how could you recruit the Slayer without filling her in on the objective? Buffy: That'd be my question. Sam: If we weren't under severe time constraints I'd seriously think about ripping you a new one. Riley: Stand down, soldier. Buffy: He's your boss, too? Sam: Oh, he wishes. We better regroup. Buffy, I hate to impose further, but...you got a safe house? Buffy: I, I have a house. I-I think it's safe. Sometimes you can't even leave.
Dawn: Agent Finn returns. Riley: Dawn. Geez, look at you. I think you grew a foot and a half. Dawn: A lot can happen in a year.
Xander: Hey, there's the man! Life taker, heartbreaker. You know, figuratively speaking.
Xander: We're here to help. Just like old times. Except, with you being all big with the married life. Riley: Hear you're getting hitched yourself. Believe me, you're gonna love it.
Willow: Just so you know? I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want. Buffy: Thanks, but no. I don't wanna seem all petty. Willow: Well, that's the beauty! You can't, but I can. Please. Let me carry the hate for the both of us.
Dawn: So. What brings you back to town after you left suddenly with no word?
Riley: Sam and I have been tracking a Suvolte demon through Central America. Killing machine. Nearly mature. Sam: Yeah, three months old and growing fast. Riley: These things start to kill the minute they're hatched. And leave a real clear trail. Sam: Yeah. Just follow the villages with nothing in them but body parts.
Dawn: So, this demon shredded your guys, and now you're looking for a little payback? Sam: No. It came here to the Hellmouth to, to spawn.
Dawn: And...now they're gonna hatch a bunch of...baby demon things? Sam: Unless we stop it. Buffy: Which means we have to find the nest, and fast, before Sunnydale turns into the Trouble Meat Palace...I wish I'd said something else.
Xander: Okay, so we track down the demon, find the nest, Mr. and Mrs. Finn here make with the killin', and everyone goes home happy. But seriously, married man. If forced to choose between a photographer and place settings— Buffy: We can't track the demon. I killed it. So! Who's hungry? We got, uh— Dawn: Ice cubes. Buffy: All you can eat. Sam: Buffy? It's good that you killed the Suvolte before it killed us. Disposable cameras. Xander: Di — wah? Sam: Yeah, you, you know, little plastic ones, ten bucks a pop. You arrange them like table settings, guests snap photos...breaks the ice, and when the wedding's over, you get to take home the pictures. Xander: I like it!
Buffy: So, demon eggs. Any timetable on when they're gonna hatch? Riley: Hatching's not the problem. Sam: We think they're gonna be sold on the black market. There are some foreign military powers that would love to have their own Suvolte. You could never train it, but drop it on an urban population... Riley: And it cleanses the area. Dawn: Is that a nice way of saying it kills people?
Sam: Money's been exchanged. There's a dealer in town, calls himself the, The Doctor. Willow, you think you can help with a little locating spell? Willow: I can't do the magicks. Sam: Oh, Riley says you're comin' on as one major-league Wicca. Willow: I got addicted. The way addicts do.
Riley: Two teams. No civilians. I'll, uh...I'll go out and look for our Doctor. You two find that nest. Buffy: Me and Sam together? Riley: You come across a Suvolte nest, you're gonna want backup. Sam: You know, I don't wanna be dragging down the Slayer. You've got speed, and power I can't even- Buffy: Let's go.
Sam: Hey Willow. I'm sorry, I think I really...stepped in it in there. You know, back in the jungle...we had not one, but two hard-core shamans working for us...they were working the dark magicks, and...got addicted. And now they're gone. Gone...as in...there's nothing left. I've never met anyone with enough strength to quit before. I'm just saying.
Sam: Thanks for letting me tag along. Buffy: No problem. Sam: Maybe not for you. I gotta tell you, Buffy, I'm a little bit intimidated. I mean, patrolling with the real live Slayer, you're like...Santa Claus, or Buddha, or something. Buffy: Fat and jolly? Sam: Legendary. And it's not just slayer status I'm talking about. It's you.
Buffy: Riley talks about me? Sam: He didn't say anything for a long time, but I could tell. He was ripped up inside. Buffy: Good thing he has you. Sam: More like miraculous. I went down to Central America with the Peace Corps. One night, my entire infirmary got slaughtered by...I didn't know what they were. I got saved, quit the Corps, joined the squad. My first firefight, I met Riley. We started talking, you know, first about tactics, missions, stuff like that. And then about you. Buffy: He thinks...I let him go. Sam: Do you wish you hadn't. Buffy: I wish things were different. I-I'm not trying to...I don't...uh, you know. Sam: I didn't mean to put you on the spot, Buffy. There's no bad guys in this one. The only thing that could...help Riley work it out was time. Lots of time. Took him a year to get over you. Buffy: I'm glad he's over me.
Sam: So, you seeing anyone new? Someone special? Buffy: You know, I just take my time, you know, I don't...I don't wanna jump right into anything, don't wanna, you know, be defined by who I'm with. Sam: Yeah, better no guy than the wrong guy, that's for sure.
Buffy: Sam. You know what? Um, I think we should split up. Sam: Oh, I'm slowing you down. I knew I would, this was just selfish of me. Buffy: No, it's not, uh...there's this guy, uh, an informant, but he's twitchy. I show up with company, and, and we get nothing. Sam: Cool. I'm guessing Finn needs me about now. He's probably off somewhere gettin' his ass kicked. You know how wild he gets. Don't worry about Rye and me, we're good.
Buffy: I need information. Spike: Well, suppose I could be helpful. If the price is right. (Buffy putting gloves down) I'm not sure I'm selling out at Double Meat Palace wages, though. Buffy: I need to find a guy. Dealer. Calls himself The Doctor. Spike: Human? Buffy: His traffic isn't. Spike: Clock ticking? Buffy: Whatever he's doing, he's doing it soon. Spike: Soon but not now?
Buffy: Tell me you love me. Spike: I love you. You know I do. Buffy: Tell me you want me. Spike: I always want you. In point of fact- Buffy: Shut up.
Spike: Well, looky here. I don't usually use the word delicious...but I've gotta wager this little tableau must sting a bit, eh? Me and your former? Must kill. What can I say? Girl just needs a little monster in her man. Riley: That's not why I'm here...Doctor.
Spike: Here I thought we'd run you out of town, mate. Last time I saw you, if memory serves, you were getting the juice sucked out of you by some undead ladies of very questionable reputation.
Spike: Now, be a good tin soldier and, uh... Riley: Where are they...Doctor? Spike: Where are what, and why do you keep calling me that? Riley: Glad to be back in Sunnydale. The locals all speak English, and I know who to beat for information. It's all brought me here.
Spike: Look, crew cut. She's not your bint any more. And if I can speak frankly, she always had a little thing for me, even when she was shagging you. Riley: Nice. That's very distracting. Now tell me, before I get unprofessional–where are the eggs, Spike? Spike: Eggs? You're off your nut. It must be those drugs they were keeping you on. I did warn you. Riley: Okay. We can do this the hard way, or we can do this the fatal way.
Riley: Where are the eggs? Buffy: Look, the Doctor, it can't be Spike. Spike: No need to defend me, luv. Buffy: Look, i-it can't be, okay? He-he's too incompetent. It's just Spike, Riley. Riley: Right. Deadly...amoral...opportunistic. Or have you forgotten?
Riley: I'm taking this place apart until I find that nest. Spike: Over my dead body. Riley: I've seen enough of your dead body for one night, thanks.
Spike: Oh, this is...unconstitutional, is what it is! Here! There's nothin' to see down there! Buffy: Riley, look, I'm not saying that he's good, okay, I'm just saying that he's not capable of something as- Spike: I can explain. Riley: We're gonna need more weapons. Spike screwed up. You didn't keep 'em frozen, did you, Doctor?
Buffy: No more games. Spike: Well, that's bloody funny coming from you! No more games? That's all you've ever done is play me. You keep playing with rules you make up as you like. You know what I am. You've always known. You come to me all the same. Riley: Can you shut him up? Buffy: Not so far.
Riley: Aim high, plenty of lead. Buffy: I'm not exactly gun girl. Riley: You wanna live, learn fast.
Anya: You know, if you love Riley Finn so much, maybe you should just marry him. Xander: He's taken. And that's not the point. Anya: So you think that their marriage is better than ours, is that it? Xander: No! But granted, I have a hard time imagining Nick and Nora Fury hiding out from their own relatives in the bathroom.
Xander: And I have no idea what Riley and Mrs. Riley's wedding was like. Anya: Well, you haven't shut up about them. Xander: Well, they have a great marriage! And it bummed Buffy out, but I can see it. And Anya...I really have no clue what their wedding was like. Anya: So our wedding...is not our marriage. Xander: Separate things. One fills me with a dread akin to public speaking engagements. Anya: And that would be the wedding. Xander: Which will be over soon. Anya: But our marriage... Xander: That lasts forever.
Buffy: So, are you and Sam headed back to Central America? Or, is that classified? Riley: Nepal. Buffy: Sounds fun. Riley: I'll send you a postcard.
Riley: By mission parameters I'm done here. But I have authorization to take the Doctor out. Do you want me to do that? Buffy: Do I want you to...How can you ask me...I'm sleeping with hi-him. I'm sleeping with Spike. Riley: I had actually noticed that.
Buffy: And then you come back...and did you wait until your life was absolutely perfect and then send that demon here so you could throw it in my face? Riley: Look...you think this was easy for me? Buffy: Yeah! I think it was a rollicking adventure, fun for the whole family. Riley: I was terrified about seeing you again. Buffy: Well, I'm sure my incredible patheticness softened the blow for you.
Riley: I don't know what you're talking about. Buffy: Riley, please don't patronize- Riley: Hey! You want me to say that I liked seeing you in bed with that idiot? Or that blinding orange is your very best color? Or that that...burger smell is appealing? Buffy: You smelled the smell? Riley: Buffy, none of that means anything. It doesn't touch you. You're still the first woman I ever loved...and the strongest woman I've ever known. And I'm not advertising this to the missus...but you're still quite the hottie. Buffy: You know, it goes away after many bathings.
Riley: This isn't about who's on top. I know how lucky I am right now. I love my work, and I love my wife. Buffy: I know. And I kinda love her too. Riley: So you're not in the greatest place right now. And maybe I made it worse. Buffy: No. Riley: Wheel never stops turning, Buffy. You're up, you're down, it doesn't change what you are. And you are a hell of a woman. Buffy: Riley, that night...I never got the chance...to tell you...how sorry I was. About what happened between us. Riley: And you never have to.
Sam: Well, the wedding itself was held in a military chopper just before a hairy night drop into hostile territory. Xander: Huh! And just curious, what's a chopper rental run these days? Sam: Oh, well, actually, we commandeered it from a local guerilla squad, so...cheap!
Sam: You have my email, you promise you'll keep in touch? Willow: You won't get traced? I don't wanna lead the bad guys to your location by mistake. Sam: Our line's secure. Willow: Oh, huh, duh, of course it is! I keep thinking of you like regular people, but no, you're not. Sam: Oh, right, like demon-hunting is all exotic to a girl from Sunnydale.
Dawn: So you gonna say goodbye this time, or just...split all secret-agenty like last time? Riley: Depends. I warrant a hug?...Goodbye, Dawn. Dawn: I thought it would suck less this time. It doesn't.
Sam: It was really nice meeting you all. You ready for Nepal, agent? Riley: Soldier...Fire-fights, bug hunts, big body counts...yeah, I could use a break.
Willow: Bye! Xander: Bye! Bye Riley! Bye Sam! Willow: What a bitch.
Buffy: I'm not here to-And I'm not here to bust your chops about your stupid scheme, either. That's just you. I should have remembered. Spike: So this is worse then, is it, this is you telling me- Buffy: It's over. Spike: I've memorized this tune, luv. Think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want. Buffy: I know that. I do want you. Being with you...makes things...simpler. For a little while. Spike: I don't call five hours straight a little while.
Buffy: I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just...being weak, and selfish... Spike: Really not complaining here. Buffy: ...and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry...William.
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