line decor
  
line decor
 
 
 
 
Quotes | Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S6/Ep5 (105)
"Life Serial"

previous
prev episode
next episode
next
Buffy: Oh. Yep, it's me, and I brought dinner. Deep fried chicken parts. Hope you're...hungry. You
already ate.
Giles: No! Well, uh, yes, obviously.
Dawn: Uh, we didn't know when you'd be coming back.
Buffy: It's okay. More for me.
Buffy: Um, so I-I was thinking about re-enrolling, but I missed the registration cutoff. Busy being dead and all.
Jonathan: The Slayer always knows what she's doing. Sharp. Decisive. Always with a plan. We're never gonna become the crime lords of Sunnydale with her always one step ahead of us.
Warren: Well, that's why we're throwing these tests at her, seeing which one of us can shake her up the most, maybe find a weakness or two.
Warren: W-what the hell is that?
Andrew: Death Star, dude! Wicked, huh?
Jonathan: Thermal exhaust port's above the main port, numb-nuts.
Andrew: For your information, I'm using the Empire's revised designs from Return of the Jedi.
Jonathan: That's a flawed design!
Warren: Guys! Okay, the thing is, since we're messing with the Slayer, who could pummel the three of us into a sludgy substance, it might be a good idea for us to NOT draw attention to ourselves!
Willow: You're not dumb. Just rusty.
Buffy: Maybe I should ease back in with some non-taxing classes, like, introduction to pies, or maybe advanced walking.
Willow: Hey! You could at least say sorry, rude-o!
Tara: Everybody's in a hurry.
Warren: Runner is tagged, inhibitor is on. Repeat, inhibitor is on. Initiate omega pulse sequence.
Tara: ...didn't think she liked my cooking until I realized that that was her yummy face. You know how her nose-
Buffy: What was that?
Tara: What was what?
Buffy: Uh—that, that noise, wh-what was that about, about cooking? Whose yummy face?
Tara: Willow. Wow, you really got engrossed in that Renaissance book.
Buffy: I guess. I must have spaced out.
Jonathan: Rrrright. Fifty points for ingenuity, another thirty since it involved actual contact.
Andrew: Very smooth, by the way.
Jonathan: On the freak-o-meter I'd say she was at a six.
Warren: Oh come, it's an eight, easy!
Buffy: This is gonna be great. Diving into the workforce. Being a bread-winner, building things with my hands.
Xander: Uh, actually, you won't be building so much as lifting and toting.
Buffy: Toting?
Xander: It's just a temp gig, Buff. You know, unless it tanks. Since you're not union, I had to call in a few favors to get you on a crew.
Buffy: Well, I appreciate it. Muchly. You saved me from having to accept Giles' offer to work at the Magic Box. I mean, retail? Yeeesh. I'd rather be dead. Again.
Xander: Uh-huh. So, Giles have any thoughts about your little fast-forward freak-out at school?
Buffy: No. Oh, well, he implied that maybe it was stress-related. Like I was imagining it or something. I don't know. Maybe. I guess I, I ... could have been blacking out, but ... there was this thing on my sweater, you know? And then it just, blew away, or went poof. Maybe it was lint. Maybe it was evil lint.
Xander: Okay, first tip of the day. When I introduce you to Tony the foreman? You might wanna leave out stuff about blacking out and evil lint.
Tony: You gotta be kiddin' me. We're a week behind, I got two men out on the DL, and now you want us to baby-sit some little girl?
Buffy: Uh, excuse me, but I-
Tony: Hang on, Gidget! This stinks, Harris. What am I supposed to do with her?
Xander: Give her a chance. She's stronger than she looks.
Marco: Gee, I don't know, Tone. I don't wanna get in trouble with those affirmative action lawyers, you know what I'm sayin'? Why don't you put, uh, little Britney here on hauling duty?
Buffy: It's Buffy.
Tony: Okay, princess, you're on it. Try not to break a nail.
Buffy: I mean, I never thought I'd be working in construction ... but when you think about it kinda makes sense—
Danny: Hey. We get paid by the hour. You wanna ruin it for the rest of us? Slow down.
Warren: Ah! Got visual of subject, four o'clock.
Jonathan: That's not four o'clock.
Warren: Well, it is if you're facing the front of the van.
Jonathan: But we're not facing the front of the van, we're facing out that way. That's twelve, so she's at two o'clock.
Warren: Look, she's over there, okay?
Buffy: The demons! They were these three big apey things!
Xander: No. No, not here. Not at my job. That's your job.
Buffy: I can't help where the forces of darkness attack me, Xander.
Xander: Buffy, would you look at this mess? Do you have any idea how much it's gonna cost to repair this? And what am I supposed to say to the clients, should I just show them the demon bodies and say it's all their fault?
Buffy: You can't. They melted. But, uh—there, there are witnesses! Vince! Vince! You'll tell him, right, how I jumped in and protected you from those...things?
Vince: Hey, I don't know what you're talking about. All I know is you were losin' it or something. That time of the month, huh?
Buffy: What?! You were huddled in a corner! Crying! Like a baby!
Vince: Hey, hey. No way. Me, crying?
Buffy: I didn't imagine this, Xander.
Xander: I know. I believe you. In fact, I'm starting to think between this attack and the school thing that somebody's messin' with you.
Xander: Well, there's something going on. I think it's worth checking out, and I don't mean later. You need to see Giles and get on it right away. I'd start with ID'ing those demons.
Buffy: You're firing me, aren't you.
Xander: Big time. The whole melty thing oughta help narrow it down.
Buffy: This is gonna be great. You know, I've always been interested in, um, interested in retail.
Buffy: Uh, is this all research, or just some kind of stress test for the table?
Giles: I just want to be thorough. This, time anomaly, and then the, the demon attacks could be completely unrelated events, but if they're not you might be in some danger.
Buffy: So, situation normal then.
Warren: This is so dull I might actually have fallen asleep and be dreaming you guys.
Andrew: Why is the Slayer here anyway? She's a student, she's a construction worker, and now she's some kind of...selling stuff person?
Warren: It's like she's completely without focus. Should we check the other channels for freecable porn?
Jonathan: I need you to hold hands.
Andrew: With each other?
Warren: Well, you know what homophobia really means about you, don't you?
Jonathan: Stop touching my magic bone!...Shut up.
Warren: Ah! Got visual of subject, four o'clock.
Jonathan: That's not four o'clock.
Warren: Well, it is if you're facing the front of the van.
Jonathan: But we're not facing the front of the van, we're facing out that way. That's twelve, so she's at two o'clock.
Warren: Look, she's over there, okay?
Jonathan: Opus orbit est, et ea in medio, tempus ad calcem intendit.
(Approximate translation: "The work is a circle, and she is in the middle, the time stretches out.")
Anya: That woman. Go sell her something.
Buffy: Yeah. May I help you?
Female Customer: I need something for a prosperity spell. I heard you have it. The mummy hand?
Buffy: Uh, yeah, actually, I saw one downstairs. It's kinda hairy, though. Maybe it was a daddy hand.
Buffy: Petrified hamster...ucK! Eyeballs in honey. Dagger of Lex... Hmm. Ancient mummy hand.
Buffy: And you get the dagger of Lex for free with it! See the inlaid mother-of-pearl...underneath the black oozing goo?
Female Customer: This hand is dead. The power is gone, I'm not giving you money for this!
Buffy: Oh, it's just playing dead. Little scamp.
Buffy: We did this just now. Giles, something is happening.
Giles: Yes, uh, quite right.
Warren: Aw, you did it! Dude, she's looping!
Warren: Wha, uh, what'd you do, enchant the hand thing?
Jonathan: Uh, well, not exactly. I made it so she had to satisfy a customer with a task that resists solving.
Maybe I shoulda done more.
Andrew: Like what?
Jonathan: I don't know. Like make her kind of itchy?
Anya: Go help the lady who just came in.
Buffy: Wait–
Anya: Don't worry, don't be nervous. Do what I do, just picture yourself naked.
Warren: Smart. She's figuring out the game. Satisfy the customer. Well, she might just have you beat there, Stretch.
Jonathan: No way. It hasn't even started yet.
Andrew: I just hope she solves it faster than Data did on the ep of TNG where the Enterprise kept blowing up.
Warren: Or Mulder, in that X-Files where the bank kept exploding.
Andrew: Scully wants me so bad.
Anya: Where are you going?
Buffy: Lady needs a mummy hand.
Anya: What? You haven't even talked to her yet.
Buffy: I could explain, but you would just forget it.
Anya: I'm worried about you. Um, retail is a, is a fast-paced and exciting world. I mean, this whole day, has it gone by too quickly for you?
Buffy: No. No, I don't think that's exactly the problem.
Giles: Buffy, a word in your ear. Um, if you, uh, think of the store as a, as a library, it'll help you to, to, uh, concentrate on, on, service rather than selling.
Buffy: Yes. And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam.
Giles: Yes, uh, quite, quite, yes.
Buffy: Ya like slug? Go with slug. She's not gonna sleep with you anyway.
Andrew: So...Warren had 220, and I had that bonus for getting her fired...
Jonathan: But the biggest component has to be how long it took to finish. Mine took the longest.
Andrew: Only from a perspective external to the time-loops. From Mr. Giles' perspective, it was shortest of all.
Jonathan: So what do we do?
Warren: Oh, it's obvious. I mean, it's not over.
Giles: Buffy, your first sale! Congratulations.
Anya: You, you didn't charge for delivery.
Giles: Oh. Well, your first day, you know, these things happen.
Anya: Yeah, I'll just take it out of your pay.
Buffy: Life is stupid.
Spike: I have a dim memory of that, yeah. (puts glass down) And I didn't figure you were here cadging my whiskey 'cause life's all full of blood and peaches.
Buffy: No. There's this thing...someone's doing stuff to me. Messing up my life. Except that it was kind of pre-messed already. You know, with school, and jobs—pretty bad even without the evil.
Spike: So you, uh, just what? Gonna let this whoever play you till it figures out what kills you?
Buffy: Giles is working on it.
Spike: Oh, good, 'cause Giles wields the mighty force of library books.
Buffy: You'd do better?
Spike: Damn right! I'd hit the demon world.
Spike: You're not a schoolgirl. You're not a shop girl.
Spike: You're a creature of the darkness. Like me. Try on my world. See how good it feels.
Buffy: Are there drinks in your world?
Buffy: You wanna play, that's fine. Okay? I am sticking to the original plan. Which one do I kill for information?
Spike: Listen. These guys talk while they play. We'll get more information out of their mouths than out of gaping holes in their corpses.
Demon: Ante up.
Buffy: You play for kittens?!
Spike: So, who's gonna advance me a tiny tabby, get me started? Come on—someone's gotta stake me.
Buffy: I'll do it!
Jonathan: Where're we going?
Warren: To Final Jeopardy. Where Buffy's the one in jeopardy.
Andrew: We are really super-villains now, like...like Dr. No.
Warren: Yeah, back when Bond was Connery, and movies were decent.
Jonathan: Who remembers Connery? I mean, Roger Moore was smooth.
Warren: You're insane. You're short, and you're insane.
Andrew: I like Timothy Dalton!
Green Demon: You're lucky today, Spike.
Spike: Got my good-luck charm with me.
Scaly Demon: You cleaned us out. No-one's that lucky.
Demon: Yeah. I'm starting to think you cheat.
Spike: Me? I cheat? He's got X-ray vision! (points to scaly demon)
Scaly Demon: I'm not using it.
Green Demon: You better go, Spike. Things could get ugly.
Scaly Demon: Got ugly the second he walked in. Him and his human.
Demon: Her skin's so tight, I don't even know how you can look at her.
Buffy: What? I'm not getting into a bar fight! I'll beat 'em up for information, great, but not to defend your right to gamble for kittens! Which, by the way, is stupid currency.
Buffy: Be free, kittens!
Spike: What's wrong, luv?
Buffy: What's wrong?! You were gonna help me! You, you were gonna beat heads and, and, and fix my life! But you're completely lame!
Buffy: Tonight sucks! And, and look at me! Look at, look at stupid Buffy! Too dumb for college, and, and, and freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. and, and my job at the magic shop? I was bored to tears even before the hour that wouldn't end! And the only person I can even stand to be around is a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker.
Spike: Oh, you saw the cheating, did you.
Buffy: Also? I think you're drunk.
Warren: Connery is Bond. He had style.
Jonathan: Yeah, but Roger Moore was funny.
Warren: "Moonraker"? The gondola turns into a hovercraft? It's retarded. Besides, the guy had, like, no edge.
Andrew: Dalton had edge. In Licence to Kill he was a rogue agent. That's edgy. And he was amazing in "The Living Daylights".
Jonathan: Yeah, which was written for Roger Moore, not Timothy Dalton!
Warren: Okay, this is stupid! We're wasting time. End of discussion.
Buffy: That van.
Spike: You wanna steal a van, I'm with you, luv, but we have got the motorcycle.
Warren: Connery is the only actor of the bunch.
Andrew: Timothy Dalton should get an Oscar and beat Sean Connery over the head with it!
Warren: Okay, that's it.
Andrew: Oh, she's coming over here! What do we do?
Warren: Jonathan, grab your magic bone.
Buffy: He blew up. Did you see that?
Spike: Yeah, I saw. He's gone.
Buffy: Gotta love it, you know. It makes you feel all powerful. Strong. Kinda sick.
Jonathan: Ohh, next time I do that spell, one of you guys has to look like the demon.
Andrew: The Slayer touched you.
Jonathan: Yeah, it was sexy the way she touched me real hard with her fists. I only looked big.
I actually had the proportional strength of...uh...me.
Giles: Go easy on yourself, will you? I mean, you don't have to figure the whole thing out at once, you know, job and everything. You're pushing yourself too hard.
Buffy: The nice people at the phone company? Seem to think it's not hard enough.
Giles: It's for you.
Buffy: A check?
Buffy: This is, is too much, I can't take it.
Giles: Well, tear it up then.
Buffy: No! I was just being polite. I'm taking the money.
Buffy: I don't...really know how to say this, but it's a little like having Mom back.
Giles: In this scenario, I am your mother?
Buffy: Wanna be my shiftless absentee father?
Giles: Is there some sort of, um, rakish uncle?
Buffy: I'm just saying... Thank you. So much.
Buffy: I just wanna tell you that, umm this makes me feel safe. Knowing you're always gonna be here.
previous
prev episode
next episode
next