faith | hope | trick ... quotes: BTVS 6/Ep4 (104)

Quotes | Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S6/Ep4 (104)
"Flooded"

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Buffy: So. We meet at last, Mister Drippy.
Dawn: Man. How much water can they fit in one set of pipes? Tara: If I understand right, the entire city water supply. Willow: It's like little clown cars in the circus. *Dawn:* Told you we should have called the plumber. Buffy: You were right. The plumber will make everything good.
*Buffy:* Dawn, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It's unbelievably important. You should eat breakfast at least three times a day.
Xander: And a big Sunnydale round of applause for Tito the Amazing, plumber extraordinaire. Tara: So how's everything looking down there? Xander: Like we should start gathering up two of every animal.
*Buffy:* Okay...so you're telling me I'm broke? Willow: Not yet, but... Tara: Money's definitely becoming an issue. Xander: As in your being almost out of it. Buffy: But I haven't spent any money. I was all...dead and frugal.
Dawn: So, what do we do? Buffy: Easy. We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire? Pretty.
Buffy: Okay, it's, it's bills, it's money. It's pieces of paper sent by bureaucrats that we've never even met. It's not like it's the end of the world. Which is too bad, you know, 'cause that, I'm really good at.
Anya: Um...i-i-if you wanna pay every bill here, and every bill coming, and...have enough to start a nice college fund for Dawn? Start charging. Buffy: For what? Anya: Slaying vampires! Well, you're providing a valuable service to the whole community. I say cash in. Buffy: Well, that's an idea...you would have. Any other suggestions?
Dawn: You can't charge innocent people for saving their lives. Anya: Spiderman does. Dawn: He does not! Anya: Does too. Dawn: Does no-Xander? Xander: Action is his reward. Anya: Why don't you ever take my side?
Xander: What's wrong with you? Anya: Why don't you ask your best friend Spiderman? You know, if you're not going to support me- Xander: I'm supportive! I'm totally supportive! I'm a flying buttress of support! Anya: No you're not.
Xander: This is because I haven't told them yet about the engagement, isn't it? Anya: No. Maybe. Yes! It's painful and confusing! I mean, first you, you give me this beautiful ring and then I can't even wear it in public. I mean, do you know how depressing that is?
Xander: I'm still getting used to the miracle of a steady paycheck. And getting out of my parents' house. And this-this husband thing...it's a big step. Or, a lot of little ones. And and I love you so much I just want...every step to be just right.
Anya: Hey! You tricked me! Just now, w-with your fancy talk and, and lips! You keep doing this, and I keep forgetting, and you keep stalling!
Buffy: I, I didn't know exactly what you would need, so, um, I brought everything. Mr. Savitsky: Okay. I don't think I'll need this...or these. Old report cards, definitely not.
Mr. Savitsky: Ms. Summers, the only collateral you have is your house, which was never fully leveraged, and has been losing equity over the last several years. For some reason, Sunnydale property values have never been competitive, and re-financing's out of the question...
Buffy: Are you in the wrong line? That's for deposits, that's for withdrawals, and this one...is for getting kicked in the face.
Willow: I mean, even if the bank did get robbed, which, you battling demons couldn't possibly know—you would think there would be some kind of reward. But no, they're like, "Oh, we're not gonna give you money unless you prove you don't need it." I mean, what kind of system is that?
Willow: Okay, uh, let me make you mad again. Uh...ready? Um...Last semester, I slept with Riley. Buffy: And you know I really doubt it. Willow: Caught me. Big fib. To...cover up the sleazy affair I had with Angel. Buffy: Will—what the hell are you doing? Willow: Pissing you off. Buffy: Yes, true. Why? Willow: Well, 'cause, you know, since you've ... been back, you haven't exactly been big with the whole range of human emotions thing.
Anya: Don't be such a wiener dog.
Anya: Dare you. Xander: Anya. If I tell them we're engaged right after you dared me to, wouldn't you always wonder if that's the only reason I did it? Anya: Oh. Xander: Score one for Captain Logic. Anya: No, no. Captain Logic is not steering this tugboat. I smell Captain Fear at the wheel! God, I hate this. This tone in my voice? I dislike it more than you do, and I'm closer to it!
Dawn: You know, if you don't let me look at the pictures, I'm gonna learn everything I know about demons on the street.
Dawn: I'm guessing on how you say it. It's got an apostrophe. I think it's MmmFashnik. Like "Mmm, cookies."
*Buffy:* You do research now? Want a cappuccino and a pack of cigarettes to go with it?
*Giles:* You're alive. You're here. And you're still...remarkably strong. *Buffy:* Huh? Oh. Sorry. *Giles:* Willow told me, but I didn't really let myself believe ... *Buffy:* I take a little getting used to. I'm still getting used to me. *Giles:* It's, uh...you're ... *Buffy:* A miracle? *Giles:* Yes. But then, I always thought so.
*Giles:* Yes. Otherwise, there's, uh, nothing really to report. I, um, I keep a flat in Bath. I, I, uh, met with a few old friends. Almost made a new one, which I think is...statistically impossible for a man of my age.
*Giles:* I can't lie to you, Buffy. Um...leaving Sunnydale was, uh, was difficult. And, uh, coming back was... *Buffy:* I'm guessing the word is "inconvenient"? *Giles:* No. Bewildering.
*Buffy:* I mean, yeah, you know, sleeping's hard, but just because of the whole waking up in a box thing. So maybe waking up's the problem. You know, but just for a second. I sleep okay. Great even. Except, you know, for the dreams ...
*Giles:* You seem to be doing remarkably well under extreme circumstances. I'm proud of you. *Buffy:* Well, actually, it wasn't me. Willow brought me back. I just lay there. *Giles:* You-you know -- I meant - *Buffy:* I know what you meant. It was just a little post-post-mortem comedy.
Anya: Giles! We're so glad to see you. We missed you. You can't have the store back. *Giles:* I know. Anya: You signed papers.
M'Fashnik Demon: We had a deal. You got what you wanted. Now give me what I want. The head of the Slayer. Warren: Okay. Jonathan: Sure. Andrew: We can do that.
M'Fashnik Demon: You hired me to create chaos and carnage for you. Told me you were powerful men, commanding machines, magicks, the demon realms below. Warren: We are. Andrew: Yuh-huh. *Jonathan:* We're like, Super Villains.
*Jonathan:* It's not our fault the Slayer was there. We said we'd pay you, and we're gonna. Warren: Yes! Truly, Lord Jonathan is the wisest of us all. Andrew: Uh, yeah, long live our noble lord and master. *Jonathan:* You guys suck
M'Fashnik Demon: You can't pay me with paper, tiny king. You pitted me against the Slayer. For that, I must kill you. Then I will suck dry your bones and use them to beat your subjects to death.
Warren: Well, between the three of us, we can pretty much do anything. *Jonathan:* Like, you want a spell to make you look super-cool to the other demons? I'm all over that action, my friend. Warren: Or, just throwing it out there, robot girlfriend. Huh? For those long, lonely nights after a hard day's slaughter? M'Fashnik Demon: You can do this?
Andrew: Don't trust him. Robo-pimp daddy's all mouth. Warren: Shut up, Andrew! You're just mad I wouldn't build you Christina Ricci. Andrew: You owe me, man. Warren: Oh, or else what? You'll train another pack of devil-dogs to ruin my prom? Ha! Graduated! Andrew: That wasn't me! How many times do I have to say it? The prom thing was my lame-o brother, Tucker. *Jonathan:* Yeah, well tell him I was at that prom. Andrew: Hello! Screen-wipe, new scene. (makes screen-wipe gesture) I had nothing to do with the devil dogs. I trained flying demon monkeys to attack the school play. School play, dude! Warren: That was cool. That was kinda cool. *Jonathan:* Remember, everyone was like, "Run, Juliet!"
M'Fashnik Demon: Nothing you can offer me will satisfy your debt to me. I don't want your toys, or your spells, flying monkey-demons. I want the Slayer dead!
Buffy: Anya says pretty bad. I'm kinda taking her word for it. Actually, I'm kinda trying to not think about it. Giles: Sound policy. At least for tonight. Buffy: Figured I'd put it out of my mind. You know, take a break. Get some perspective...and then wake up at four a.m. terrified.
Giles: Buffy, perhaps you're putting too much pressure on yourself. I mean, to return from some unknown level of Hell, it's only natural that coming back...will be a process. Buffy: In the meantime, I'm scaring people. Giles: Well, that can take time, too.
Andrew: But...I, I don't want to kill Buffy either. *Jonathan:* Yeah, she saved my life a bunch of times! Plus, she's hot.
*Jonathan:* I don't even know if we could kill Buffy. She's got super-strength. Andrew: And, you know, killing people, this is not why we got together in the first place. *Jonathan:* Yeah. We teamed up with one clear, super-cool mission statement. Remember?
Jonathan: ...trained gorillas. Workable prototype jetpacks, and chicks, chicks, chicks. I know that's the action I signed on for. Andrew: Me too. Ixnay on the urder-may. Warren: Vote. Jonathan: Okay. Who's for not killing Buffy?
Warren: Here's the Slayer's name, address, and telephone number. You wanna kill her? Make it so.
Jonathan: How'd you make him do that? Andrew: What are you, some kind of...Jedi? Warren: The Force can sometimes have great power on the weak-minded.
Willow: Oh, okay, first of all? So scary. Like, the Blair Witch would have had to watch like this. And, and, and this giant snake came out my mouth and there was all this energy crackling, and this pack of demons interrupted, but I totally kept it together. And then, the next thing you know? Buffy.
Giles: You're a very stupid girl.
Giles: Do you have any idea what you've done? The forces you've harnessed, the lines you've crossed? Willow: I thought you'd be...impressed, or, or something. Giles: Oh, don't worry, you've...made a very deep impression. Of everyone here...you were the one I trusted most to respect the forces of nature. Willow: Are you saying you don't trust me?
Giles: Think what you've done to Buffy. Willow: I brought her back! Giles: At incredible risk! Willow: Risk? Of what? Making her deader? Giles: Of killing us all. Unleashing hell on Earth, I mean, shall I go on? Willow: No! (stands) Giles, I did what I had to do. I did what nobody else could do. Giles: Oh, there are others in this world who can do what you did. You just don't want to meet them. Willow: No, probably not, but...well, they're the bad guys. I'm not a bad guy. I brought Buffy back into this world, a-and maybe the word you should be looking for is "congratulations." Giles: Having Buffy back in the world makes me feel ... indescribably wonderful, but I wouldn't congratulate you if you jumped off a cliff and happened to survive.
Giles: You were lucky. Willow: I wasn't lucky. I was amazing. And how would you know? You weren't even there. Giles: If I had been, I'd have bloody well stopped you. The magicks you channeled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand, and you are lucky to be alive, you rank, arrogant amateur!
Willow: You're right. The magicks I used are very powerful. I'm very powerful. And maybe it's not such a good idea for you to piss me off.
Giles: We still don't know where she was...or what happened to her. And I'm far from convinced she's come out of all this undamaged.
Buffy: I don't know. I just, I feel like I'm spending all of my time trying to be okay, so they don't worry. It's exhausting. And then, I... Spike: And that makes 'em worry even more.
Spike: You want me to take them out? Give me a hell of a headache, but I could probably thin the herd a little.
Buffy: Why are you always around when I'm miserable? Spike: 'Cause that's when you're alone, I reckon. I'm not one for crowds myself these days.
M'Fashnik Demon: You have cost me, Slayer. Buffy: I cost you? That's a designer lamp, ya mook!
Buffy: Full...copper...re-pipe! No...more...full...copper...re-pipe!
Warren: I think we have a lot to feel good about. We got the money. We got the lair. And ourone loose end has been taken care of by the Slayer. Flamethrower's up.
Jonathan: It's true, my friends. The way I see it...life is like an interstellar journey. Some people go into hypersleep and travel at sub-light speeds only to get where they're going after years of struggle, toil and hard, hard work. We, on the other hand ... Andrew: Blast through the space-time continuum in a wormhole? Jonathan: Gentlemen...crime is our wormhole.
Buffy: I don't think I can do this. Giles: Yes you can. Your mother dealt with this sort of thing all the time. (Buffy looks up) She took... one crisis at a time—without the aid of any superpowers—and got through it all. So can you. Buffy: You sure? Giles: I'm positive.
*Dawn:* I bet it's creditors. The hounding's begun. I read about it. So you think we'll starve? Giles: I very much doubt it. *Dawn:* No chance I'd have to quit school to work assembling cheap toys in apoorly-ventilated sweatshop? Giles: Poorly-ventilated...What have you been reading?
Buffy: Angel. Giles: Is he in trouble? Buffy: He knows that I'm... He, he needs to see me. I have to see him. Giles: Yes, of course. You'll leave for L.A. tomorrow. Buffy: Not L.A. And not here. Somewhere in the middle. There's a, a place. Giles: I see. Well, we should get all these...bills and things out of the way before- Buffy: I gotta go now. Um, thanks for taking care of this for me.
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