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| Quotes | Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S4/Ep5 (61) "Beer Bad" |
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| Parker: Buffy, I don't know what to say. After the way I've treated you, and now I owe you my life. Buffy: It's nothing. Parker: It's everything. You're everything. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you to forgive me. Do you think one day you might? |
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| Prof. Walsh: These are the things we want. Simple things. Comfort, sex, shelter, food. We always want them and we want them all the time. The id doesn't learn it doesn't grow up. It has the ego telling it what it can't have and it has the superego telling it what it should want. But the id works solely out of the pleasure principle. It wants. Whatever social skills you've learned, however much we've evolved, the pleasure principal is at work in all of us. So, how does this conflict with the ego manifest itself in the psyche? What do we do when we can't have what we want? | |||
| Xander: Rough day? Come on Buff. Be a lonely drunk. Rough day? Buffy: Stop flicking at me. Xander: Work with me here. I'm finally an essential part of your collegy life. No more looking down on the townie. I'm the new bartender over at the pub. Got my lighter, my rag, my empathy face. |
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| Xander: Oh contraire, mon frere. Buffy: Mon frere means brother Xander: Mon girlfrere. Behold. Willow: I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up. Xander: What gives it away? Willow: looking at it. |
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| Xander: Rough day? You wanna talk about it? Shutting up now. Willow: I'm pregnant by my stepbrother who'd rather be with my best friend whose left me with no place to live. No food except this bottle of wild turkey which I drank all up....That was me being tanked and friendless for ya. Xander: Gets my Oscar nod. |
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| Buffy: You know maybe, maybe he's just having trouble dealing. I mean, don't guys sometimes put the girl they really, really like inside these deep little brain fantasy bubbles where everything's perfect? They do that right? Xander: How's that fugue state coming along. Willow: Parker. Buffy: Maybe I'm in his bubble and then pretty soon he's going to realize that he wants more than just bubble Buffy and he'll pop me out and we'll go to dinner and it could happen right? |
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| Willow: Buffy. And as my best friend you need to stop thinking about Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis. Xander: Nothing can defeat the penis! Too loud, very unseemly. |
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| Willow: I mean, I'm sorry do be so course but I feel strongly aboutstinky Parker man. Buffy: He can be really sweet. I'm telling you I think he had intimacy problems because of the death of his father. Willow: Not interested. You got troubles, tell em to the bartender. Xander: That's right. Cause the bartender's always ready to listen. |
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| Buffy: Oooh. Riley, I'm so sorry. Riley: That's okay you know, but most people go around. I'm not saying you can't go through me, It's just that the other is much quicker. |
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| Buffy: He's kinda a girl chaser, huh? Riley: Sets em up and knock's em down. I guess maybe I'm old fashioned but my father says that if you wanna be a gentleman you...don't even care what my father says. |
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| Guy: Oh, no I rudely interrupted and it sounds like the two of you were having quite the meeting of minds. Possibly debating the geopolitical ramifications of bioengineering. You got a take on that? Xander: I've got beer. You want some beer. Guy: Yeah, a pitcher of Black Frost. You see I think we have a perfect venue here for conducting a little sociometry. A bi-polar continuum of attraction and rejection. No given your sociological statuses. I foresee a B rejects A dyad. I'm sorry, lemme clarify. You see, we are the future of this country and you keep our bowl of peanuts full. We are what these girls want. And uh, four glasses. |
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| Xander: Buffy? Rough day? Wanna tell me about it? Buffy: It's just . Parker's problem with intimacy turns out to be that he can't get enough of it. And knew it. I knew what he was. If he were tied and gagged and left in a cave that vampires happen to frequent it wouldn't really be like I killed him really Xander: Buffy Buffy: I'm a slut. |
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| Buffy: Oh, oh. I'm so sorry I just keep running into people today. Guy #1: I can't imagine anybody minding. You're not thinking about leaving are you? Because we have a strict policy against you leaving. At least until you've had a drink. Guy #2: Yeah, well what my friend is just saying is you shouldn't be sad and alone right now. I mean you're a very beautiful girl who should be covered with men. And, could we be those men? It's on us. |
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| Oz: Hey. You got a table. Willow: I had to kill a man. Oz: Well, it's a really good table. |
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| Guys: Chug, chug, chug, chug! Guy #1: The thing that the modern day (?) failed to realize is that all the socio-echonomical and psychological problems inherent in modern society can be solved by the judicious application of way too much beer |
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| Buffy: My mother always said that beer was evil Guy #1: Evil. Good. These are moral absolutes that predate the absolution of malt and fine hops. |
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| Guy #4: Well, Thomas Equines and... Guy #2, #3 & #1: NO! Guy #2: There will be no Thomas Equines at this table. Guy #3: Keep your theology of providence to yourself frat boy. Guy #4: I was just drawing a parallel between. Guy #1: Beer. Had the earliest morality developed under the influence of beer there would be no good. or evil. There would just be kinda nice and pretty cool. Everything would be different. |
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| Buffy: You guys really like to hear yourselves speak don't ya? Guy #1: Alright we're losing her guys. Guy #2: Say something interesting. Guy #3: Tell us about yourself. Guy #2: Yeah, what do you like. Buffy: Well, I don't hate this for a start. |
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| Willow: My name's Veruca. I'm in a band. I'm Oz, I'm in a band too. Oh, and this is Willow. Oh, how fun and creepy. Groovy. Buff, have you heard of this Veruca chick? Dresses like Faith, voice like an albatross. | |||
| Buffy: TV is a good thing. Bright colours. Music. Tiny little people. Willow: What did you do with Buffy Buffy: I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of badness Willow: You didn't. Not with Parker again. Buffy: No, with four really smart guys. Willow: Four? Oh. Ow. Oh Buffy, are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it? Buffy: I went to see Xander. Then I saw Parker. Then came beer. Willow: And then group sex? Buffy: Gutter face. No! Just lots and lots of beer. It's nice. Foamy. Comforting. It's just beer. |
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| Willow: Drowning your troubles over Parker. Mind frying man! He deserves a slow and torturous death by spiderbites. Well, for today we'll just have to throw spitballs at his neck in class. | |||
| Professor Walsh: Next class we'll be moving on to personality types and disorders. For those of you who have done the reading you already know...Yes? Buffy: (points to Willow) She read the reading. Professor Walsh: well, she'll have some time on her hands. As I was saying. We won't be able to cover it all in the class but that doesn't mean it isn't work knowing and it doesn't mean it won't be on the mid-term. Now, if I've been unclear in any way. Speak now. |
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| Buffy: This good. Ooh, good enough. Guy #1: Still more is good. Buffy: yeah. Foamy. Guy #3: You should come to our class on big thinking. It's good. |
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| Guy #1: I like girls. Buffy: You stupid. Guy #1: No, you stupid. Buffy: Smelly head. |
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| Oz: Willow. Hey. I tried calling Willow: Yeah, I've been up at the library. How are you feeling? Oz: What do you mean? Willow: well, you weren't in class. Again. Oz: Yeah, I was practicing. Hey Shy's playing again tonight. Willow: Shy? Oz: yeah, Veruca's band and they asked me to sit in with them. It would be kinda cool if you were there. Willow: Two Veruca shows in two nights. Are you sure you wanna share your groupie? I think I'm gonna study. Because of the fun. Oz: well, yeah I guess how I could see it be dull for ya. Willow: See ya. Oz: Yeah. |
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| Guy #1: Stupid Guy #2: No, you stupid. Buffy: No you. |
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| Buffy: Hey! She runs over to him and looks confused. She bangs on the jukebox and laughs. Thing. Like it. Xander: It's time to go home Buffy. Buffy: Want more singing. Want more beer. Xander: No, I've cut you off. Buffy: Did it hurt? |
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| Xander: Out you go. Buffy: Ow, oh, want beer. Like beer. Beer good. Xander: Beer Bad. Bad, bad beer. What the hell am I saying? Buffy, go home and go to bed. Buffy: Say bye. Xander: Bye Buffy: Bye. Guy #1: Hey, where'd girl go? |
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| Parker: Hey. Did you want something? Willow: Yes. I wanted to give you a piece of my mind. I'm tired of you men and your manness. Buffy's really hurting right now. In fact she's in need of a big mental tidy. |
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| Willow: She shared something very intimate with you. And you act like it's nothing more than a bag of some kind of snack food. Parker: Willow, I'm not sure I need to explain my actions here but if that's what you want. Willow: Yes, followed by an admission of undeniable guilt. |
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| Parker: Some relationships center on a deep emotional tie. Or a loyal friendship. Or something. But most are just two people passing through life enriching or aggravating each other's lives briefly. Willow: Go on. Parker: Just for one night can't two people who feel an attraction come together and create something wonderful? And then go back to their lives the next day better for it but never over analyzing it or wanting it to be more than it was? I have. She should too. Willow: People like Buffy a-and me assume that intimacy means friendship and respect. People shouldn't have to ask first if you're going to be eyeing other prospects tomorrow. Parker: People shouldn't have to preface casual sex with “just so you know I'll never grow any older with you”. It takes the fire out of it. Willow: Maybe. Parker: Willow, I don't regret what happened. Or what we did. But I am sorry that Buffy's hurting and if I mislead her than I'm sorry for that too I didn't mean to. I'm impressed that you care so much about her. You're a good friend. |
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| Xander: Alright, time to pay up and go home guys. Let's see, I'll take this one, and this one. And you know I've always had a problem calculating the tip and you guys being so dapper and brainy, maybe you can help me out. Okay great. See if your bill comes to thirty-eight dollars and people tip, what, approximately thirty percent? | |||
| Neanderthal Guy #1: Fire bad. Fire pretty. Xander: Fire angry! |
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| Xander: Jack! Jack! We've got a problem. The guys they they're some of the patrons are turning into cavemen. Jack: They've had it comin'. |
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| Jack: you know I've been taking abuse from snot nosed kids for twenty years. They're always coming in here with their snotty attitude, drinking their fruity little micro brews and spouting out some philosophy Like it means a damn thing. Thinking they're different than us. Xander: They are now. |
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| Jack: Neat huh? My brother-in-law's a warlock. He showed me how to do it. Xander: No. No neat. I served them that beer. I served Buffy that beer! Uh, how much beer would you say a person would need to consume before they start seriously questing for fire? Jack: Relax. It will wear off in a day or so. Xander: In a day or so someone is going to get killed. You're a bad, bad man. |
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| Giles: I can't believe you served Buffy that beer. Xander: I didn't know it was evil. Giles: But you knew it was beer. Xander: Well excuse me, Mr. “I spent the sixties in an electric Kool-Aid funky Satan groove”. Giles: it was the early seventies and you should know better Xander: I'm not the dad of her. Buffy's a grown up. |
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| Parker: I don't mean this in a bragging way but I do get to know a lot of women. Willow: Well, getting to know people is good. Parker: But I haven't found the one yet. I've yet to find the girl that I can just sit with. Feel totally at ease. Feeling whatever's on my mind. Or even sit with comfortably in silence. Willow, can I tell you something kinda private? Willow: okay, I mean I feel you've shown me a perspective I haven't really thought much about before. What was it you wanted to tell me? Parker: Just that I've enjoyed talking to you. Here. Tonight. Willow: Me too. I mean, with you. You know, I'm wondering something. About you. Parker: What? Willow: Just how gullible do you think I am? I mean with you gentle eyes and your shy smile and your ability to talk openly even to me! You're unbelievable! |
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| Willow: This isn't sharing. This isn't connecting. It's the pleasure principle. That's right I got your number id boy. The only thing you're thinking about is how long you can jump on my bones. Parker: Look, if you think that I'm... Willow: I mean, you men. It's all about the sex! You find a woman, drag her to your den, do whatever's necessary just as long as you get the sex. I tell you men haven't changed since the dawn of time. |
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| Buffy: Want people. Where people go? Giles: The TV is off. Buffy: Want! Want people. Giles: She doesn't appear to be in any danger. Maybe you should stay with her...Or perhaps she should be left alone. Buffy: Boy smells nice. |
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| Buffy: Beer? Buffy want beer. Giles: You can't have beer. Buffy: Want beer. Xander: Giles, don't make cave slayer unhappy. Buffy: Buffy strong. Giles: Yes, Buffy strong. Buffy: Buffy get beer. |
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| Xander: Buffy! Buffy! Aha can't find the beer. Good. Freshman girls unable to hold the beer shouldn't have it. Get into trouble. Hey, we're good. Remember the boy? Boy smells good yeah? Is there any part of Buffy still in there? | |||
| Buffy: Fire bad! | |||
| Giles: Blonde. Um, about this tall. Walks with a sort of a sideways limp. | |||
| Parker: Oh God. Help me. I can't breathe. Buffy! Oh god, what do we do? | |||
| Xander: Did you guys have enough fun for one night? Willow: Yes. Please. Buffy: Buffy tired. |
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| Xander: And was there a lesson in all this huh? What did we learn about beer? Buffy: Foamy Xander: Good, just as long as that's clear. Anyways I think that the boys in the car are contained for the time being. This will give them some time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of BEING MEAN TO ME! |
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| Parker: Buffy. Buffy I I dunno how to say this. I'm sorry for how I treated you before. It was wrong of me and I'm sorry. You were great tonight, really. I might not deserve this but do you think that you could forgive me? (Buffy wacks him on the head with the club, knocking him out) | |||
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