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Quotes | Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S4/Ep2 (58)
"Living Conditions"

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Buffy: Wow, this music is so... so...
Kathy: I know. This song is super fun. Isn't it?
Buffy: You bet. It just gets fun-er and fun-er every time you play it.
Buffy: Wait, did you just hear something?
Willow: I'm chewing my gum kinda loud.
Buffy: That's not it.
Willow: My sneakers are squeaky.
Buffy: I'm looking for something lurky here, Will.
Buffy: Darn, I could use a little play tonight. Listening to the best of VH-1 all day sort of put me on edge.
Buffy: And what are we if not women up to a challenge?
Willow: Exactly! I mean, did we not put the 'grr' in girl?
Willow: Happy hunting.
Buffy: Wish me monsters.
Giles: Hello.
Buffy: You run?
Giles: And jump. And bend. And, occasionally, frolic.
Buffy: Ok, you're not having one of those mid-life things, are you? 'Cause I'm still going 'ish' from the last time you tried to recapture your youth.
Giles: What sort of demon?
Buffy: Umm, had a cloak on, and glowing green eyes, and skin had that like, super-bad fake rub-on tan.
Giles: Translate?
Buffy: Orange-y?
Giles: Thank you.
Buffy: What are you doing today?
Giles: Uh, it's a good day for me, actually. A friend of mine recently acquired a-uh an original Gutenberg demonography...and it suddenly occurred to me that you've never once asked me what my day's plans were, which leads me to inquire whether you're feeling entirely yourself.
Buffy: When she sharpens her pencils she measures them with a ruler to make sure they're all the same size.
Giles: Which is fussy, I agree, but everybody has their idiosyncrasies. You'd do well to learn to tolerate them.
Buffy: Or I'll end up an old lady who can only live with cats?
Buffy: This is the new Buffy. Kinder. Gentler. Roomate Extrordinaire.
Parker: Ex-boyfriend? Or loan shark?
Buffy: Excuse me?
Parker: The person you're hiding from.
Buffy: Oh...both. Ugly breakup.
Xander: Oh, a technique I know well. Hit the girl with your best shot, then hasta.
Oz: Gotta respect the drive-by.
Xander: Low rejection, fond memories.
Xander: That's because he got hit by the Buffinator. Now he's powerless.
Xander: Yeah? Something apocalypse-y? Do we need to assemble the Scooby gang?
Buffy: No, but thank you for asking.
Xander: I just got way too excited, didn't I?
Buffy: Is that my sweater?
Kathy: I didn't think you'd mind, I mean you got mine all muddy.
Buffy: I was saving you from a...
Willow: Bear!
Buffy: Mugger.
Buffy: So then after the scorpion, the demon opened my mouth and sucked some kind of weird light out of me. A-and the worst part? I wake up and there's Kathy, staring at me like I'm some kind of freak.
Oz: Well, actually, the worst part, I'd have to go with the demon pouring the blood down your throat.
Willow: Me too, I would vote for that too.
Buffy: Giles, Kathy. Kathy, Giles.
Willow: He's our grown-up friend. Not in a creepy way.
Giles: You know what this means...
Buffy: Yes. Not only does she take my sweater, but now she has to horn in on my dreams. She is the most ever mooch...
Oh, I haven't even gotten to the floss.
Buffy: Cool, you guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to class.
Oz: Which could also be construed as the brain thing.
Buffy: Not when your minoring in 'Napping 101'.
Willow: Okay, so that was the evil twin, right? 'Cause she was bordering on Cordelia-esque.
Oz: You're worried about her.
Willow: Yeah, both of them. I mean, what kind of demon runs around putting ookie blood dreams into people's heads. Like some kind of nightmare fairy. It's not right.
Oz: Well, I'm against it.
Willow: If it wasn't for this English paper I'd be there right now. Um, listening-doing the girly best friend thing.
Oz: Well, I can do that.
Willow: You can?
Oz: Well, I'm not saying we'll braid each others hair--probably—but, yeah I can hang with her, watch for signs she's going over the edge.
Buffy: So then Kathy's like, 'It's share time' And I'm like, 'Oh yeah? Share this'!
Oz: So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.
Buffy: Well, I didn't do either actually. But she deserved it, don't cha think?
Oz: Nobody deserves mime Buffy.
Buffy: You're right. Ooh! She's even affecting my work, now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer. She's...other really bad things.
Oz: On the plus side you've killed the bench, which was looking shifty.
Kathy: I do what I can, but Buffy's difficult. She's secretive, for one thing, she comes and goes at all hours of the night, she leaves her gum all over the place.
Willow: Sounds like things are rough, but don't cha wanna be talking to Buffy about this?
Kathy: I would be she's so touchy about all kinds of weird stuff. I mean, sometimes I get the feeling that she's not quite normal, ya know?
Willow: Well, normal is relative, right?
Willow: Buffy, this has to stop. I mean I get it, I have a sucky roomie, too. But you just have to deal.
Buffy: You're right, I've been thinking a lot about this and it's clear to me now.
Willow: Good, that's better.
Buffy: Kathy's evil. I'm an evil fighter. It's simple...I'm gonna have to kill her.
Willow: You have to kill her? Don't cha think you could just switch rooms or something?
Buffy: Well, I would--but it's not just me in danger from Kathy. Look.
Willow: Toenails?
Buffy: Evil toenails. I took them off the floor last night when she was in the bathroom. She thought I was asleep.
Willow: Good thinking. 'Cause in the middle of the night those toenails could have attacked you and left little half-moon marks all over your body.
Buffy: Don't be ridiculous.
Willow: Giles, I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little...insane. No, not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, k?
Buffy: What are you guys doing? This is...this is ridiculous!
Xander: Buffy, this hurts me more than it hurts you.
Buffy: Not yet, but it will.
Oz: Don't say that.
Xander: Oh, please, don't say that.
Buffy: She has parts that keep growing after they're detached. She irons her jeans-she's evil. She has to be destroyed.
Giles: I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods somehow possessed her.
Buffy: Lite FM! Love songs! Nothing but love songs!
Xander: Ya think?
Xander: I don't know if I tightened those ropes enough.
Oz: Well, then we better go over there and check 'em.
Xander: Oh, dear God. Avoid the legs-avoid the legs.
Buffy: Nope, not tight enough.
Xander: Wait, are you saying that Buffy's been doing a Linda Blair on us because Kathy's been sucking her soul?
Buffy: Except for the soul sucking thing I bet Kathy was pretty regular, as far as roomies go.
Willow: That's a pretty big 'except.'
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