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Quotes | Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S4/Ep1 (57)
"The Freshman"

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Girl on Campus: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Buffy: Uh, you know I meant to and then I just got really busy.
Willow: It's just in High School, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon. You really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up--you know--and letting this place just thrust into and spurt knowledge into...That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in.
Buffy: I'm with you, though, I'm all for spurty knowledge.
Buffy: It's too bad Giles can't be librarian here. Be convenient.
Willow: Well, he says that he's enjoying being a gentleman of leisure.
Buffy: Gentleman of leisure? Isn't that just British for unemployed?
Willow: Uh-huh, he's a slacker now.
Willow: He's still on his cross-country-see-America thing. He said he wasn't coming back until he had driven to all fifty states.
Buffy: Did you explain about Hawaii?
Willow: Oh, he seemed so determined.
Buffy: Can't wait till mom gets the bill for these books. I hope it's a funny aneurysm.
Willow: 'Introduction to Psychology'...Oh, up there. (Points to a book sitting on top of the shelf)
Buffy: I'll get'em. You know, this store discriminates against short people.
Willow: Oh, I think there's a protest next week.
Riley: I don't meet that many freshmen that know that much about psychology.
Willow: Well, it's fascinating.
Buffy: Yeah, you know, 'cause everyone's got a brain.
Kathy: I am really glad they put me with somebody cool, 'cause I can tell that you're cool. I just know that this whole year is going to be super fun!
Professor Walsh: Ok. This is Psych 105, 'Introduction to Psychology', I'm Professor Walsh. Those of you who fall under my good graces will come to know me as Maggie. Those of you who don't will come to know me by the name my TA's use, and think I don't know about, 'The Evil Bitch Monster of Death.' Make no mistake, I run a hard class, I assign a lot of work, I talk fast and I expect you to keep up. If you're looking to coast I recommend 'Geology 101,' that's where the football players are.
Eddie: Did you, uh, lose your way?
Buffy: Me? Oh, no no no, i'm just going to Fisher Hall. Which I know is on the...Earth planet. Recently voted most pathetic-uh, huh.
Eddie: Well, I'm lost, and I have a map, so....
Buffy: Ooh-I come in second.
Eddie: 'Of Human Bondage.' Have you ever read it?
Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into porn-I mean, I'm just...I'm trying to cut way back.
Oz: You looking for someone?
Buffy: Yeah.
Willow: You made a friend? Good for you.
Buffy: Thanks, mom.
Vamp: Does this sweater make me look fat?
Sunday: No, the fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple.
Vamp: You're such a loser.
Sunday: Hey, words can hurt like a fist.
Giles: I'm not supposed to have a private life?
Buffy: No! 'Cause you're very, very old, and it's gross.
Giles: Well, before I succumb to the ravages of age, why don't you tell me what brings you here..
Buffy: There could be a gang of vampires working the campus. We need research, an-an-and charts and stuff.
Giles: I still don't see where I fit in. You haven't described anything that you can't do yourself.
Buffy: Ok, remember before you became Hugh Hefner when you used to be a watcher?
Buffy: God I was worried that something had happened to you...and of course it has, 'cause you're a vampire.
Sunday: I'm... I'm Sunday, I'll be killing you here in a minute or so.
Buffy: You know that threat gets more frightening every time I hear it.
Stoner Vamp: Uhh...are we gonna fight? Or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally?
Sunday: Guys, this is totally mine.
Stoner Vamp: Ok, but you gotta share the eatin', 'cause I'm thinkin' slayer's blood's gotta be--whoa!--like Thai Stick.
Buffy: I thought people were suppose to get smarter in college?
Sunday: Yeah, I think you had a lot of misconceptions about college. Like that anyone would be caught dead wearing that.
Sunday: Don't take this the wrong way, but...you fight like a girl.
Buffy: Oh, when did you get back?
Xander: Couple days ago.
Buffy: Freak of nature-why didn't you call me?
Xander: Well I knew you guys were starting the whole college adventure and I didn't want to, um, you know, help you move.
Xander: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car, and that was literally. So, I ended up washing dishes at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club' for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me or even spoke to me until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick and no power on this Earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college?
Buffy: Male strippers?
Xander: No power on this Earth.
Buffy: College is good.
Xander: Ok, uh, once more with even less feeling.
Buffy: No, really! I-I mean, Willow's in heaven and Oz has this really cool house off campus with the band.
Xander: And you're sitting here alone at the Bronze looking like you just got diagnosed with cancer of the puppy.
Xander: Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger. No wait, hold on. Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side. Hold on, no, umm, First you get the women, then you get the money, then you...okay, can we forget that?
Buffy: Thanks for the Dadaist pep talk, I feel much more abstract now.
Xander: Buffy, I've gone through some fairly dark times in my life, faced some scary things, among them the kitchen at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club.' Let me tell you something, when it's dark and I'm all alone and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think, 'What would Buffy do?' You're my hero. Ok, sometimes when it's dark and I'm all alone I think, 'What is Buffy wearing?'
Xander: Let's put this bitch in the ground-what do you say?
Buffy: I think...I say 'Thank You'.
Xander: And nothing says 'Thank You' like dollars in the waistband.
Xander: I can't believe the vampires took your stuff. Murder I expect, but petty larceny seems so...petty.
Xander: You up for a little reconnaissance?
Buffy: You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff?
Xander: No, that was the Renaissance.
Willow: Buffy wouldn't just take off. That's just not in her nature. Except for that one time she disappeared for several months and changed her name...But there we're circumstanstes then. There's no circumstances.
Kathy: Does Buffy have a history of emotional problems? 'Cause on my request form I was pretty specific about a stable, non-smoker.
Xander: (to Oz) Do we hug?
Oz: I think we're too manly.
Xander: Prank? Oh, the room. Well some friends of Buffy's played a funny joke, and they took her stuff. And now she wants us to help get it back from her friends who sleep all day and have no tans.
Buffy: When you look back at this, in the three seconds it'll take you to turn to dust, I think you'll find the mistake--was touching my stuff.
Sunday: What about breaking your arm, how's that feel?
Buffy: Let me answer that question with a head butt.
Giles: I've been awake all night. I know I'm supposed to teach you self-reliance, but I can't leave you out there to fight alone. To hell with what's right, I'm ready to back you up. Let's find the evil and fight it together.
Buffy: Great. Thanks. I'll get right on that.
Xander: So, college not so scary after all, huh?
Buffy: It's turning out to be a lot like high school, which I can handle. At least I know what to expect.
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