home wallpapers fan videos icons quotes & sounds screencaps links contact me		Quotes | Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S2/Ep5 (17) "Reptile Boy" prev episode next episode Xander: Is she dying? Buffy: I think she's singing. Xander: To a telephone in Hindi. Now that's entertainment! Why is she singing? Willow: She's sad because her lover gave her twelve gold coins, but then the wizard cut open the bag of salt, and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put their big maypole...fish thing. Xander: Uh-huh. Why is she singing? Buffy: Her lover? I thought that was her chiropractor. Willow: Because of that thing he did with her feet? No, that was personal. Xander: Hmm. And we thought just because we didn't have any money or anyplace to go this would be a lackluster evening. Willow: I know! We could go to the Bronze and sneak in our own tea bags and ask for hot water. Xander: Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in jail. Buffy: I, for one, am giddy and up. There's a kinda hush all over Sunnydale. No demonsor vampires to slay, I'm here with my friends...So, how does the water buffalo fit in again? Richard: Callie! Callie, where're you going? The party's just getting started. Cordelia: See? Dr. Debi says when a man is speaking you make serious eye contact, and you really, really listen, and you laugh at everything he says. Willow: You dreamed about Angel again? Buffy: Third night in a row. Willow: What did he do in the dream? Buffy: Stuff. Willow: Oh! Stuff! Was it one of those vivid dreams where you could feel his lips and smell his hair? Buffy: It had surroundsound. I'm just thinking about him so much lately. Willow: You two are so right for each other. Except for the, uh... Buffy: Vampire thing. Willow: That doesn't make him a bad person. Necessarily. Buffy: I'm brainsick. I can't have a relationship with him. Willow: Not during the day, but you could ask him for coffee some night. It's the non-relationship drink of choice. It's not a date, it's a caffeinated beverage. Okay, sure, it's hot and bitter like a relationship that way, but... Xander: What's like a relationship? Buffy: Nothing I have. Coffee? Xander: Huh? Cordelia: There's really no comparison between college men and high school boys. I mean, look at that. Xander: So, Cor, you're datin' college guys now. Cordelia: Well, not that it's any of your business, but I happen to be dating a Delta Zeta Kappa. Xander: Oh! An extra-terrestrial. So that's how you get a date after you exhausted all the human guys. Cordelia: You'll go to college someday, Xander. I just know your pizza delivery career will take you so many exciting places. Buffy: Oh! I told Giles I'd meet him in the library ten minutes ago! Aw, he won't be upset. There hasn't been much paranormal activity lately. Giles: Just because the paranormal is more normal and less...para of late is no excuse for tardiness or letting your guard down. Buffy: I haven't let my guard down. Giles: Oh, really? You yawned your way through weapons training last week, you, you, you, you skipped hand-to-hand entirely...Are you gonna be prepared if a demon springs up behind you and does this? Giles: When you live on top of a...a mystical convergence it's only a matter of time before a fresh hell breaks loose. Now is the time that you should train more strictly, you should hunt and patrol more keenly, you should hone your skills day and night. Buffy: And the little slice of life that still belongs to me from, I don't know, seven to seven-oh-five in the morning, can I do what I want then? Giles: Buffy, you think I don't know what it's like to be sixteen? Buffy: No. I think you don't know what it's like to be sixteen. And a girl. And the Slayer. Giles: Fair enough, no, no, I-I don't. Buffy: Or what it's like to have to stake vampires while you're having fuzzy feelings towards one? Giles: Uh... Buffy: Digging on the undead doesn't exactly do wonders for your social life. Giles: That's exactly where, where being...different, uh, comes in handy. Buffy: Right! Who needs a social life when you've got your very own Hellmouth? Giles: Yes! Y-you, you, you have a duty, a-a-a purpose, y-y-you have a commitment in life. Now how many people your age can say that? Buffy: We talkin' foreign or domestic? How 'bout none? Giles: Well, here's a hard fact of life: we all have to do things we don't like! And you have hand-to-hand this afternoon and patrol tonight. So I, I suggest you come straight here at the end of, of period six a-and you get your homework done. And don't dawdle with your friends. And, and don't think sitting there pouting is gonna get to me, because it won't....It's not getting to me. Xander: Boy, what a long day. Willow: And you skipped three classes. Xander: Yeah, and, of course, they flew by. Buffy! Willow: Aren't you supposed to be doing your homework in the library? Buffy: I'm dawdling with my friends. Richard: So, who's your friend? Cordelia: Her? Oh, she's not my friend. Tom: She's amazing! Cordelia: She's more like a sister, really! We're that close. Xander: Okay, so tonight, channel fifty-nine, Indian TV, sex, lies, incomprehensible story lines. I'll bring the betel nuts. Cordelia: Come on. Richard and his fraternity brother wanna meet you. Buffy: Well, I don't really wanna meet any fraternity boys. Cordelia: And if there was a God, don't you think he'd keep it that way? Richard: Hi, sweetheart. I'm Richard. And you are? Buffy: So not interested. Cordelia: Heh, she's such a little comedienne. Richard: What, she likes to play hard to get? Tom: No, Richard. I think you're playing easy to resist. Tom: Ah, feel free to ignore him. I do all the time. I'm Tom Warner. I'm a senior at Crestwood College, and I...and I just feel like a complete dolt meeting you this way, so...here I stand in all my doltishness. Xander: Huh-huh-huh, right. Like she's gonna fall for that. Buffy: I'm Buffy Summers. Tom: Oh, nice to meet you. Are you a senior here? Buffy: Junior. Tom: Oh, me, too. Except that I'm a senior and I'm in college. So we have that in common, and...I major in history. Buffy: Mm. History stumps me. I have a hard enough time remembering what happened last week. Tom: No, nothin' happened last week, don't worry, I was there. Xander: She's gonna walk away. Now. Tom: So, uh, my friend invited your friend to a party we're having this weekend. You know, actually he's not even really my friend. I only joined the fraternity because my father and grandpa were in it before me. Y'know, it meant a lot to them. Xander: Okay, boots, start a-walking. Xander: Okay, boots, start a-walking. Tom: Oh, I know, I talk too much anyway. They're really dull parties full of really dull people, so...would you like to come and save me from a really dull fate? Buffy: Oh, I wish I could, but I'm sort of involved. Tom: Well, sure, of course you are. Well, thanks for letting me ramble. Buffy: Y'know, people underestimate the value of a good ramble. Xander: I hate these guys. Whatever they want just falls into their laps. Don't you hate these guys? Willow: Yeah, with their charmed lives and their movie star good looks and more money than you can count? I'm hating. Giles: I'm going to attack you. A word of warning: for your own good, I won't be pulling any punches. Buffy: Please don't. Angel: There's blood on it. Buffy: Hi. It's nice to...Blood? Angel: I can smell it. Buffy: Oh. It's pretty thin. It probably belonged to a girl. Buffy: I-I was...just thinking, wouldn't it be funny some time to see each other when it wasn't a blood thing...Not funny ha, ha. Angel: What are you sayin', you wanna have a date? Buffy: No. Angel: You don't wanna have a date? Buffy: Who said 'date'? I-I-I never said 'date'. Angel: Right. You just wanna have coffee or somethin'. Buffy: Coffee? Angel: I knew this was gonna happen. Buffy: What? What do you think is happening? Angel: You're sixteen years old. I'm two hundred and forty-one. Buffy: I've done the math. Angel: You don't know what you're doing, you don't know what you want... Buffy: Oh. No, I, I think I do. I want out of this conversation. Angel: Listen, if we date you and I both know one thing's gonna lead to another. Buffy: One thing already has led to another. You think it's a little late to be reading me a warning label? Angel: I'm just tryin' to protect you. This could get outta control. Buffy: Isn't that the way it's supposed to be? Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after. Buffy: No. When you kiss me I wanna die. Cordelia: Buffy! Did you lose weight? And your hair...Alright, I respect you too muchto be dishonest. The hair's a little...Well, that really isn't the point here, is it? The Zeta Kappas have to have a certain balance at their party, and Richard explained it all to me, but I was so busy really listening that I didn't hear much. Anyway, the deal is they need you to go. And if you don't go, I can't. And I'm talking about Richard Anderson, okay? As in Anderson Farms, Anderson Aeronautics and Anderson Cosmetics. Well, you see why I have to go. Buffy, these men are rich. And I am not being shallow. Think of all the poor people I could help with all my money! Buffy: I'll go. Cordelia: You'll go? Great! I'll drive. Oh, Buffy, it's like we're sisters! With really different hair. Richard: I pledge my life and my death... Pledge: I pledge my life and my death... Richard: To the Delta Zeta Kappas, and to Machida whom we serve... Pledge: To the Delta Zeta Kappas, and to Machida whom we serve... Richard: On my oath before my assembled brethren... Pledge: On my oath before my assembled brethren... Richard: I promise to keep our secret from this day until my death. Pledge: I promise to keep our secret from this day until my death. Richard: In blood I was baptized. In blood I shall reign. In his name. Pledge: In blood I was baptized, and in blood I shall reign. In his name. Richard: You are now one of us. Pledge: In his name! Brothers: In his name. Richard: Brewski time! Richard: So what's a girl like you doing in a place like this? Callie: Let me go. Richard: Let you go? Okay, let me think. Um, no! God, I love high school girls. Mm! Willow: You're going to the fraternity party? What made you change your mind? Buffy: Angel. Willow: He's going with you? She's got a date with Angel! Isn't that exciting? Xander: I'm elated. Buffy: I-I'm not going with Angel. I'm going with—ye gods—Cordelia. Willow: Cordelia?! Did I sound a little jealous just then, 'cause I'm not really...Cordelia?! Xander: Cordelia's much better for you than Angel. Willow: What happened with Angel? Buffy: Nothing, as usual. A whole lotta nothing with Angel. Xander: Bummer. Willow: I don't understand. I mean, he likes you. More than likes. Buffy: Angel barely says two words to me. Xander: Don't you hate that? Buffy: And when he does, he treats me like I'm a child. Xander: That bastard! Buffy: You know, at least Tom can carry on a conversation. Xander: Yeah! Tom? Who's Tom? Willow: The frat guy. Xander: Oh, Buffy, I don't think so. Frying pan, fire? You know what I'm sayin'. Giles: I didn't see you three... creeping about. Um, how did it go last night? Buffy: Found this. Giles: E-N-T. Willow: I've seen something like that before. Buffy: It's broken in two. I don't know what the rest of the letters might have spelled. And there's blood on it. Giles: Uh, I didn't see any. Buffy: Angel showed up. He could smell it. Xander: The blood? There's a guy you wanna party with. Giles: Blood. Willow: In Sunnydale. What a surprise. Xander: Okay, here's what we're gonna do: she should probably make the rounds again tonight, and we should try to figure out who that bracelet belongs to. Giles: Yes, good idea, yes. She'll patrol, and, and we'll reconvene... Buffy: Uh, hello? She's standing right here? And she's not available. Giles: Why not? Xander: Buffy, this is a little more important than... Buffy: I've got a mountain of homework to do, and, um... my mom's not really feeling well, and she could probably use my help, and, um, to be truthful I'm not really feeling all that well myself. Buffy: Well, say it. Xander: I'm not gonna say it. Willow: You lied to Giles. Xander: 'Cause she will. Buffy: Look, I wasn't lying. I was just...protecting him from information that he wouldn't be able to...digest properly. Xander: Like a corn dog. Willow: Like you don't have a sick mother, but you'd rather go to a frat party where there's gonna be drinking and older guys and probably an orgy. Xander: Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho, rewind. Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list? Buffy: There's no orgies! Willow: I heard a lot of wild things go on at frat parties. Buffy: Okay, you know what? Look, seven days a week I am busy saving the world. Once in a great while I wanna have some fun. And that's what I'm gonna have tonight. Fun! Cordelia: This isn't about fun. This is about duty, your duty, to help me achieve permanent prosperity. Okay? Do's and dont's: don't wear black, silk, chiffon or spandex. These are my trademarks. And don't do that weird thing with your hair. Buffy: What weird thing with my... Cordelia: Don't interrupt. Do be interested if someone should speak to you. It may or may not happen, but do be polite. And laugh at the appropriate intervals. Do lie to your mom about where we're going. It's a fraternity, and there will be drinking. Xander: So, Cor, you printing up business cards with your pager number and hours of operation, or just going with a halter top tonight? Cordelia: Oh, are we feeling a little envious? You could belong to a fraternity of rich and powerful men. In the Bizarro world. Cordelia: Makeup, makeup...Well, give it your all, and keep to the shadows. We're gonna have a blast! Willow: I can't believe she lied to Giles. My world is all askew. Xander: Buffy's lying, Buffy's going to frat parties...That's not askew, that's cockeyed. Willow: Askew means cockeyed. Xander: Oh. Willow: Well, there's nothing we can do about it. We'll help Giles. Xander: I'm goin' to the party. Willow: What? Xander: I gotta keep an eye on Buffy. Those frat guys creep me. Willow: You wanna protect her? Xander: Mm-hm. Willow: And prove that you're just as good as those rich, snotty guys? Xander: Mm-hm. Willow: Maybe catch an orgy? Xander: If it's on early. Cordelia: Ohh! Why do they park so darn close to you? Are you ready for this? Buffy: I dunno. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Cordelia: Me, too. Let's go! C'mon! Cordelia: You know what's so cool about college? The diversity. You've got all the rich people, and all the other people...Richard! Richard: Welcome, ladies. Cordelia: Thank you. Buffy: Oh, i-is there alcohol in this? Richard: Just a smidge. Cordelia: C'mon, Buffy, it's just a smidge. Buffy: I'll just... Richard: I understand. When I was your age I wasn't into grownup things either. Richard: Have you seen our multi-media room? Cordelia: Oh, the one with the cherry walnut paneling and the two forty-eight-inch televisions on satellite feed? No. Wanna show me? Richard: What about... Cordelia: Oh, her? She's happiest by herself. Tom: I'm really glad that you decided to come...And you're not. Buffy: No, it's... I shouldn't be here. Tom: Because you're seeing someone. Buffy: No. Tom: You're not seeing someone? Buffy: Someone's not seeing me. Tom: So, why shouldn't you be here? Buffy: Because I have obligations. People that I'm responsible for, or to, or...with, or...It's complicated. Tom: You're big on responsibility. I like that. But there's such a thing as being too mature. You should relax. Enjoy yourself once in a while. Buffy: You think I'm too mature? Tom: I talk too much. Have you picked up on that yet? Tom: Anyway, the, uh, the Hulk is gone, so you don't have to dance with me. Buffy: He might come back. Xander: Godzilla's attacking downtown Tokyo! Argh! Argh! Frat Boy #1: Who's this dork? Richard: Never seen him before in my life. Frat Boy #2: We got us a crasher! Tom: You okay? Buffy: Yeah. I was...just thinking. Richard: To my Argentinean junk bonds that just matured into double digits! Tom: Uh, to maturity. Buffy: What the hell. I'm tired of being mature. Willow: Bent. Giles: Sent. Willow: Rent. Giles: Uh, Lent. Dent. Willow: Went. Kent. Kent! That's it! Giles: Her boyfriend's name was Kent? Willow: No! Kent Preparatory School. Just outside of town. That's where I've seen these bracelets. Giles: Wh-what are you doing? Willow: Pulling up their school newsletter for the past few months. See if there's anything about... Giles: A missing girl. Buffy: Okay. Nice bed. Just need to stop spinning for at least... Tom: Get away from her! Richard: I wasn't doing anything! Tom: I saw what you were doing. Richard: I was just having a little fun. Tom: Well, she's not here for your fun, you pervert. She's here for the pleasure of the one we serve. Richard: In his name. Tom: And that goes for the other one, too. Giles: Callie Megan Anderson. Missing for over a week. No one's seen her, no one knows what happened to her. Willow: This being Sunnydale and all I guess we can rule out something good. Giles: I'm calling Buffy. Willow: No! Giles: Why not? Willow: Because Buffy...a-a-and her mother... Giles: Are sick. No, you're quite right. No, there's no point in disturbing them until we know more. Willow: You mean, like, if there're others? Brittany Oswald, junior at St. Michael's, disappeared a year ago. So did Kelly Percell, sophomore at Grant. Giles: A year. Willow: Almost to the day. Giles: An anniversary or perhaps some other event significant to the killer. Willow: Killer? Now there's a killer? We don't know that there's a... Giles: No, but this being Sunnydale and all. Willow: Gulp. Giles: We need to know where Buffy found that bracelet, and then we can begin our search there. Willow: Good idea. Call Angel. Uh, he was there when Buffy found it. We're gonna need all the help we can get. Frat Guy #2: Party's over, jerkwater. Xander: Wait, a friend of mine was here. Frat Guy #1: Y'know, in that light, with that wig on and all...you're still butt-ugly! Cordelia: Buffy? Where are we? Buffy: In the basement, far as I can tell. Cordelia: What's happening? What did they do to us? Buffy: They drugged us. Cordelia: Why? What are they gonna do to us? Buffy: I don't know. Cordelia: I wanna go home. Callie: No one's going home. Ever. Look, one of them's different than the others. Nicer. Buffy: Tom. Callie: He's the one to watch out for. Tom: She's last. Cordelia: Last? For what? Who's first?! Answer me! Who's first?! Buffy: Three stones. Three of us. Cordelia: Buffy... Buffy: Stay calm. We'll get outta this. Cordelia: Why'd I ever let you talk me into coming here? Angel: She found the bracelet in the cemetery. Near the south wall. Giles: South wall...What are you doing? Willow: Oh! Sorry. The reflection thing that you don't have...Angel, how do you shave? South wall. That's near the college and...the fraternity house! Giles: A fraternity? Angel: Could they be taking these girls? Let's get out there! Willow: Buffy! Giles: Wwwe don't know that it's concrete. Uh, let's not disturb her until... Willow: Is there! With Cordelia. They went to a party at the Zeta Kappa house. Giles: She lied to me? Willow: Well... Angel: Did...she have a date? Willow: Well...Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! And you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure! I mean, she's sixteen going on forty! And you! I mean, you're gonna live forever! You don't have time for a cup of coffee?!...Okay, I don't feel better now, and we've gotta help Buffy. Xander: One day I'll have money. Prestige. Power. And on that day they'll still have more. Tom: Machida. Brothers: In his name. Tom: We who serve you, we who receive all that you bestow, call upon you in this holy hour. Brothers: In this holy hour. Tom: We have no wealth, no possession...except that which you give us. Brothers: Except that which you give us. Tom: We have no power, no place in the world...except that which you give us. Brothers: Except that which you give us. Cordelia: What are they, some kind of cult or something? Buffy: Yeah, a psycho cult. Cordelia: You've gotta do something. Tom: It's been a year since our last offering. A year in which our bounty overflowed. We come before you with fresh offerings. Cordelia: Offerings? He's talking about us? Callie: Do you see anyone else chained up in here? Tom: Accept our offering, Dark Lord, and bless us with your power. Machida! Brothers: Machida! Cordelia: What's down there? Tom: Come forth, and let your terrible countenance look upon your servants, and their humble offering. We call you, Machida. Brothers: In his name. Machida. Cordelia: There's something down there and he's gonna throw us downthere with it. Buffy: I don't think so. Cordelia: No? Well, that's good! That, that's... Buffy: I don't think we go to it. I think it comes to us. Cordelia: C'mon, Buffy! Oh, my God! Oh, c'mon! Oh! Tom: For he shall rise from the depths, and we shall tremble before him. He who is the source of all we inherit and all we possess. Machida. Brothers: Machida. Tom: And if he is pleased with our offerings, then our fortune shall increase. Brothers: Machida. Let our fortunes increase. Tom: And on the tenth day of the tenth month he shall be enhungered. And we shall feed him. Cordelia: Feed him? Feed him?! Willow: Looks like everyone's gone. Angel: Hey! Xander: Hey! What are you guys doing here? Willow: A bunch of girls are missing, and the Zeta Kappas may be involved, and Buffy. Are you wearing makeup? Xander: No. I think Buffy's still inside somewhere with Cordelia. Her car's still here. Giles: Why are you wearing that? Xander: Oh, I found it in their trash. I saw them through the window. They were wearing robes and went down to the basement. I was gonna use it to sneak in. Giles: They may be involved in some kind of ritual. Willow: With the missing girls. Angel: With Buffy! Xander: Okay, that is the guy you wanna party with. Buffy: Hey, reptile boy! Tom: No woman speaks to him! Buffy: You don't want her. Look at her. She's all skin and bones. Half an hour later you'll be hungry. Tom: I told you to shut up! You speak again and I'll cut your throat. Xander: Got locked out dumping the trash. Let me in. I don't wanna miss the, uh... Frat Boy #2: Come on. Xander: ...you know what. Where are they?! Xander: That's for the wig! That's for the bra! Willow: Some guy's attacking Buffy with a sword! Also there's a really big snake! Xander: That's for the makeup! And that's for the last sixteen and a half years! Willow: Guys! Buffy! Snake! Basement! Now! Tom: You bitch! I'll serve you to him in pieces. Buffy: Tom, you talk too much. Let her go, wormy! Cordelia: You did it! You saved us! I've never been so happy to see anyone in my whole... You guys. I just...hate you guys! The weirdest things always happen when you're around! And you! You're going to jail for fifteen thousand years! Buffy: I told one lie, I had one drink. Giles: Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words 'let that be a lesson' are a tad redundant at this juncture. Buffy: I'm sorry. Giles: So am I. I...I drive you too hard because I-I know what you have to face. From now on no, no more pushing, no more prodding. Just, uh, an inordinate amount of nudging. Cordelia: Thank you, Jonathon. Did we forget something? Jonathon: Um...Cinnamon, chocolate, half-caf, nonfat...Extra foam! Cordelia: Young men are the only way to go. Xander: Says here that they've all been sentenced to consecutive life sentences. Investigators found the bones of missing girls in a huge cavern beneath the frat house. And older bones dating back fifty years....A surprising number of corporations whose chairmen and founders are former Delta Zeta Kappas are suffering from falling profits, IRS raids...Ooo, and suicides in the boardroom. Hmm. Starve a snake, lose a fortune. Boy, I guess the rich really are different, huh? Willow: Have you heard from Angel? When he got so mad about you being in danger, and changed into a grr, it was the most amazing thing I ever saw. I mean, how many guys can... Xander: Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come around to that freak? (noticing Angel) Hey, man, how you doin'? Angel: Buffy. Buffy: Angel. Xander: Xander! Angel: I hear this place, uh, serves coffee. I thought maybe you andI should get some. Sometime. If you want. Buffy: Yeah. Sometime. I'll let you know. prev episode next episode