home wallpapers fan videos icons quotes & sounds screencaps links contact me		Quotes | Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S2/Ep4 (16) "Inca Mummy Girl" prev episode next episode Buffy: This is so unfair. Willow: I don't think it's that bad. Buffy: It's the Ueber-suck. Mom could've at least warned me. Xander: Well, a lot of parents are doing it this year. It's part of this whole cultural exchange magilla. The exhibit, the dance... Willow: I have the best costume for the dance! Buffy: A complete stranger in my house for two weeks. I'm gonna be insane! A danger to myself and others within three days, I swear. Xander: I think the exchange student program's cool. I do! It's a beautiful melding of two cultures. Buffy: Have you ever done an exchange program? Xander: My dad tried to send me to some Armenians once. Does that count? Cordelia: Ooo! There's mine! Sven. Isn't he lunchable? Mine's definitely the best. Buffy: What're you lookin' at? Cordelia: Pictures of our exchange students. Look. 100% Swedish, 100% gorgeous, 100% staying at my house! So, how's yours? Visually, I mean. Buffy: I don't know. Guy like? Xander: By guy-like we are talking big, beefy, guy-like girl, right? Buffy: I was just told 'guy'. Cordelia: You didn't look at him first? He could be dogly. You live on the edge. Xander: Hold on a sec. So, this person who's living with you for two weeks is a man. With man parts. This is a terrible idea. Willow: What about the beautiful melding of two cultures? Xander: There's no melding, okay? He better keep his parts to himself. Buffy: What's he doing? Xander: Uh, that's Rodney Munson. He's God's gift to the bell curve. What he lacks in smarts he makes up in lack of smarts. Willow: You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years. Xander: Yeah. I'm irrational that way. Buffy: I better stop him before he gets in trouble. Willow: I got it. The non-violent approach is probably better here. Buffy: I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. Do I? Xander: The important thing is you believe that. Rodney: What're you...Oh. Willow, hi. Willow: That's probably not something you're supposed to be doing. You could get in trouble. Rodney: Oh, no. And they might kick me outta school? Willow: Are we still on for our chem tutorial tomorrow? Rodney: Yeah. I think I got almost all fourteen natural elements memorized. Willow: There're a hundred and three. Guide: Welcome, students. We shall now proceed into the Incan burial chamber. The human sacrifice is about to begin. Xander: Typical museum trick. Promise human sacrifice, deliver old pots and pans. Guide: Five hundred years ago, the Incan people chose a beautiful teenage girl to become their princess. Willow: I hope this story ends with, 'And she lived happily ever after.' Xander: No, I think it ends with, "And she became a scary, discolored, shriveled mummy." Guide: The Incan people sacrificed their princess to the mountain god Sebancaya, an offering buried alive for eternity in this dark tomb. Willow: They could've at least wrapped her in those nice white bandages, like in the movies? Guide: The princess remained there protected only by a cursed seal placed there as a warning to any who would wake her. Xander: So, Buffy, when's exchange-o boy making his appearance? Buffy: His name's Ampata. Gonna be at the bus station tomorrow night. Xander: Ooo. The Sunnydale bus depot. Classy! What a better way to introduce someone to our country than with the stench of urine. Buffy: So, can I go? Giles: I think not. Buffy: How come? Giles: Because you are the Chosen One. Buffy: Mm. Just this once I'd like to be the Overlooked One. Giles: You have responsibilities that other girls do not. Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bity blah, I'm so stuffy, gimme a scone. Giles: It's as if you know me. Giles: Your secret identity is gonna be difficult enough to maintain while this exchange student is living with you. Xander: Nooot...with her. In the same house as her. Am I the only one who's objective enough to make that distinction? Buffy: So! I think going to the dance like a normal person would be the best way to keep that secret. Giles, come on, budge! No one likes a non-budger. Giles: FINE! Go. Buffy: Yay! I win. Xander: So, I guess we're dance-bound. Cool. I think I can get my mom's car, so I'm wheel man. Buffy: I thought you were taking Willow. Xander: Well, yeah, I'm gonna take Willow, but I'm not gonna take Willow. In the sense of "take me". See, with you we're three and everybody's safe. Without you, we're two. Buffy: Ah, and we enter dateville. Romance, flowers... Xander: Lips. Buffy: Oh, come on. In all the years you've know Willow, you've never thought about her lips? Xander: Buffy, I love Willow. And she's my best friend. Which makes her not the kind of girl who I think about her lips that much. She's the kind of girl that...I'm best friends with. Xander: Willow! Hi! We were just talkin' about happy things. Like the three of us going to the dance together. See? Happy!...Not happy. Willow: No. Uh, oh, y-yes. No. Rodney's missing. Giles: Trouble with Mr. Munson again? Willow: His parents say he never came home last night. Buffy: Y'know, I don't think I remember seeing Rodney on the bus back from the field trip. Willow: I didn't either. I hope he didn't get in trouble at the museum. Xander: Hey, maybe he awakened the mummy. Willow: Right, and it rose from its tomb. Buffy: And attacked him. Willow: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke. Xander: For twenty-one hours? Willow: It's addictive, you know. Giles: We'll deal with that when we've... ruled out evil curses. Buffy: One day I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out without even saying. Giles: There was a seal? Buffy: It was right here. And it's broken. Willow: Does that mean the mummy's loose? Buffy: No, comfy as ever. Xander: Okay, I just saved us, right? Buffy: Something did. Giles: Well, we'll fret about the details later. Let's just get out of here before he comes back. Willow: Giles, were the Incas very advanced? Giles: Yes, yes, very. Willow: Did they have orthodontists? Willow: Rodney looked like he had been dead for five hundred years. How could that be? Xander: Maybe we should ask that crazy man with the big old knife. Buffy: I don't think he seemed overly chatty. Willow: The way he bolted when he saw Rodney, I'd say he was as freaked as we were. Giles: My resources on this subject are extremely limited. I-I gather that this particular mummy was from the Sebancaya region of eastern Peru. It's very remote. Now, if there's an answer, then it's, it's locked in the... Buffy: ...in the seal. Giles: It's gonna take me weeks to...translate these pictograms. Well, we'll start tonight with... Buffy: Ampata! Giles: I was gonna suggest hunting. Buffy: No, I'm late. I told my mom I'd pick him up. Xander: Uh-uh-uh, Buffy? Where are your priorities? Tracking down a mummifying killer or making time for some Latin lover whose stock in trade is the breakage of hearts? Buffy: Ampata's there alone. And I-I don't know how good his English is. He's here from South A... South America. Hey, y'know, maybe he could translate the seal. Xander: Oh, yeah. Fall for the old 'let me translate that ancient seal for ya' come on. Tsh. D'ya know how many times I've used that? Mummy: Ampata...Ampata... Ampata: Hello? Buffy: Forty minutes late. Welcome to America! Willow: What if he left already? Buffy: Ampata? Ampata Gutierrez? Xander: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him? 'Cause I don't know anything much besides Doritos and Chihuahua. Ampata: I am Ampata. Xander: Ay caramba! I can also say that! Buffy: Dining room...And this is the kitchen. Ampata: It's very good! Buffy: Yeah, you got your stove, your fridge, it's fully functional. We're very into it. Willow: So, Ampata. You're a girl. Ampata: Yes. For many years now. Willow: And not a boy, 'cause we thought a boy was coming, and here ya are in a girl way! Xander: It's just one of those crazy mix-ups, Will. Buffy: So, have you ever been to America before? Ampata: Uh, I, I have toured. Xander: Where did...you go? Ampata: I was taken to Atlanta, Boston, New York. Willow: New York! That's exciting. What was that like? Ampata: I did not see so much. Xander: Your English is...very bueno. Ampata: I listened much. Xander: Well, that works out well, because I talk much. Buffy: Hey! Sorry about the teeniness of the room. Ampata: My old one was much smaller. Buffy: What's it like back home? Ampata: Cramped, and...very dead. Buffy: Well, you'll feel right at home in Sunnydale. Buffy: How 'bout friends? Ampata: They are...It is just me. Buffy: I've been there. But, hey! You'll meet lots of people tomorrow. Ampata: Thank you. You must teach me everything about your life. I want to fit in, Buffy. Just like you. A normal life. Buffy: One normal life. Comin' up. Cordelia: Devon, I told you I'd be at the dance tonight, but I am not one of your little groupies. I won't be all doe-eyed looking up at you, standing at the edge of the stage. Devon: Got it. Cordelia: So, I'll see you afterwards? Devon: Sure. Where do you wanna meet? Cordelia: I'll be standing at the edge of the stage. Devon: With that guy? Cordelia: Sven! Momento! Needa! This whole student exchange thing has been a horrible nightmare. They don't even speak American. So, I'll see you later? Bye! Sven! Come? Devon: Oz, man! What do you think? Oz: Of what? Devon: Cordelia, man! Oz: She's a wonderland tour. Devon: You gotta admit, the girl is hot! Oz: Yeah, she's a hot girl. Devon: Let me guess: not your type? What does a girl have to do to impress you? Oz: Well, it involves a feathered boa and a theme to 'A Summer Place'. I can't discuss it here. Devon: You're too picky, man. Do you know how many girls you could have? You're lead guitar, Oz. It's currency! Oz: I'm not picky. You're just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and talk. Devon: She doesn't have to talk. Willow: I worked really hard on my costume. It's pretty cool. Xander: Okay, but what about me? I've gotta think. Willow: Well, it's a celebration of cultures. There are lots of dress-up alternatives. Xander: And a corresponding equal number of mocking alternatives. All aimed at me. Willow: Bavarians are cool. Xander: Okay, no shirts with ruffles, no hats with feathers and definitely no lederhosen. They make my calves look fat. Willow: Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot? That came out wrong. Buffy: Your first day of school. Nervous? Ampata: It is just more people than I have seen in a long time. Giles: How do you do? Ampata: Hi. Giles: I was, I was wondering if you could, um, translate this? Buffy: That was in no way awkward...Something wrong? Ampata: Uh, No! Uh, it is... Uh, why are you asking me? Giles: Well, uh, uh...It's, well, it's an artifact...from, from, uh, your...region.I-it's, uh, from the tomb of a-an Incan mummy, a-a-actually. We were trying to translate it, uh, um, as a-a project for our, um... Willow: Our archeology club. Ampata: It is broken. Where are the other pieces? Buffy: That's all we found. Ampata: Hmm. It is very old and valuable. You should hide it! Giles: Is, is, uh, anything you recognize here? Um, um, this, this, um...this ch-chap here with the knife, for instance? Ampata: Well, I-I do not know exactly, but...I-I-I think this represents, I believe the word is... 'bodyguard'? Giles: Bodyguard? Interesting. Ampata: Legend has it that he guards the mummy against those who would disturb her. Giles: Well, uh, yes, well, that's, um, that's a very good starting point for our, um...club. Um... Buffy: Oh, and, uh, a-as club president, I have, um, lots to do. Lots of...stuff. Dull stuff. Uh, oh, Willow, maybe you could... Xander: Stay with Ampata for the day. I'd love to. Ampata: Yes! That will be fun. Giles: Right. I'll, uh, continue with the translation. Buffy, you research this, uh, bodyguard thing, and, uh, Willow...Willow? Willow: Boy. They really like each other. Xander: And this is called a snack food. Ampata: Snack food? Xander: Yeah. It's a delicious, spongy, golden cake stuffed with a delightful creamy, white substance of goodness. And here's how you eat it. Xander: Mm-hm. Ampata: Oh, but now I cannot try it. Xander: That's why you bring two. Ampata: Here goes! Xander: Good, huh? And the exciting part is that they have no ingredients that a human can pronounce. So it doesn't leave you with that heavy...food feeling in your stomach. Ampata: You are strange. Xander: Girls always tell me that. Right before they run away. Ampata: I like it! Xander: I like you like it!...Please, don't learn from my English. Buffy: Ha! Or possible ha. Do you think this matches?...Hey! Willow: Oh! Yes. I'm caring about mummies. Buffy: Ampata's only staying two weeks. Willow: Yeah. And then Xander can find someone else who's not me to obsess about. At least with you I knew he didn't have a shot. Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life. Buffy: Good for you. Willow: Well, I didn't choose yet. Giles: Yes. This is most illuminating. It seems Rodney's killer might be the mummy. Willow: Where does it say that? Giles: Well, here. It implies that the mummy is capable of...feeding on the life force of a person, effectively freeze-drying them, you might say. Extraordinary. Buffy: So, then we just have to stop the mummy. Which leads to the question: how do we a) find, and b) stop the mummy? Giles: Well, the answer to that is somewhere still in here. Or in the rest of the seal. Willow: Why's this guy so into us? I mean, what's he want? Xander: He said, 'Give me the seal.' Giles: Apparently this is more popular than we realized. I just don't know what we, we should do with it. Ampata: Destroy it. If you do not, someone could die. Giles: I'm afraid someone already has. Ampata: You are not telling me everything. Xander: You're right, Ampata. And it's time we do. We're not an archeology club. We're in, uh... We're in the crime club. Which is kinda like the chess club, only with crime, and, um...no chess. Ampata: Please understand me. That seal nearly got us killed. It must be destroyed! Xander: Ampata, listen to me. Nobody's gonna hurt you. I won't let them. Ampata: Your investigation is dangerous. I do not want that. Just normal life! Willow: Is she okay? Xander: Wigged. I'm tryin' to convince her that our lives aren't just danger and peril around here. Willow: You should take her to the dance. Xander: That's a good idea! We'll all go! Willow: No, I mean just you. Xander: But you were psyched! And your costume! Willow: I'll see you there. Xander: You know what, Willow? You're my best friend. Willow: I know. Buffy: I don't get it. Why would the bodyguard have such a jones for a broken piece of rock? Giles: Well, um, perhaps...he needs to put it together with the other pieces. Buffy: If he has them. I mean, we didn't find them. Giles: And if he didn't then, then they'd still be at the museum. Buffy: So, maybe we should go there and find them. And odds are he'll show up, too, right? Giles: And hopefully we'll be ready. Buffy: Hey! Look at us! We came up with a plan. A good plan. Giles: Alright. We'll meet there tonight after it closes. Buffy: No! Bad plan. I have other plans. Dance plans...Canceled plans. Xander: Okay, I have something to tell you. And it's kind of a secret, and it's, um, a little bit scary. I like you. A lot. And I want you to go to with me the dance. Ampata: Why was that so scary? Xander: Well, because you never know if a girl's gonna say 'yes', or if... she's gonna laugh in your face and pull out your still beating heart and crush it into the ground with her heel. Ampata: Hmm. Then you are very courageous. Ampata: I beg you...Do not kill me. Bodyguard: You are already dead. For five hundred years. Ampata: But it was not fair. I was innocent. Bodyguard: The people you kill now so that you may live, they are innocent. Ampata: Please! I am in love! Bodyguard: You are the Chosen One. You must die. You have no choice. Ampata: Yes, I do. Ampata: I have thought. The dance? I will go with you. Gladly! Ampata: Buffy, I do not have any lipstick. Buffy: Oh! You can borrow one of mine. There should be some on the desk. Ampata: What is that? Buffy: The station sent the rest of your stuff. Ampata: Oh. Of, of course. I, I forgot all about it. Uh, I will unpack it later. Buffy: I'm not going. Ampata: Why not? Buffy: I have work to do. Crime club work. It's really nothing for you to worry about. Ampata: Oh, I am not worried, thanks to Xander. Buffy: He seems very happy around you. Ampata: I am happy, too. Ampata: Thank you. You are always thinking of others before yourself. You remind me of someone from very long ago: the Inca Princess. Buffy: Cool! A princess. Ampata: They told her that she was the only one. That only she could defend her people from the nether world. Out of all the girls in her generation...she was the only one... Buffy: ...chosen. Ampata: Do you know the story? Buffy: It's fairly familiar. Ampata: She was sixteen, like us. She was offered as a sacrifice and went to her death. Who knows what she had to give up to fulfill her duty to others? What chance at love? Buffy: Who knows? I'll just unpack the rest of your stuff for you. Ampata: No, really, let me... Xander: I've come for the dance. Buffy: And, uh, what culture are you? Xander: I'm from the country of Leone. It's in Italy pretending to be Montana. And where are you from? The country of White Trash? Buffy: Mm. New line-up. You and Willow are taking Ampata. Giles and I are hunting mummies. Where's you and Willow? Xander: She's not coming...with us. Buffy: Oh! On a date. Romance, lips... Ampata: Hello, Xander. Xander: Hho hee ze thee ai uh... Buffy: I can translate American salivating boy talk. He says you're beautiful. Xander: Hyav su. Buffy: You're welcome. Joyce: Ampata, don't you look wonderful! Oh, I wish you could talk my daughter into going with you. Ampata: I tried, but she is very stubborn. Joyce: Well, I'm glad someone else sees that. Joyce: Look at that. Two days in America, and Ampata already seems like she belongs here. She's really fitting in. Hmm! Buffy: Yeah. How 'bout that? Cordelia: Hey! Dawn: Where's Sven? Cordelia: Ohhh, I keep trying to ditch him. He's like one of those dogs that you leave at the GrandCanyon on vacation? It follows you back across four states. See? My own speechless, human boomerang. Dawn: He's kinda cute. Maybe it's nice skippin' all that small talk. Cordelia: Small talk? How 'bout simple instruction? Get punchy. You! Fruit drinky! Dawn: He can follow me. Willow: Wow. You guys look great. Ampata: I-I love your costume. It's, it's very authentic. Willow: Thanks. Xander: Yeah, you look, um... snug. Willow: That's what I was going for. Giles: Thank heavens you're home. Buffy: Yup! Not at the dance. Not with my friends. Not with a life. What are you doing here? I thought we were gonna meet at the museum to find the bodyguard. Giles: No, he's already been found. In a school restroom. Mummified. Buffy: Okay, I don't get it. Why would the mummy kill her own bodyguard? Giles: Well, I've cross-referenced, and, uh, I've looked at the pictograms anew. He was a guard alright. But it was his job to insure that the mummy didn't awaken and escape. Buffy: So, Ampata translated wrong. Giles: Perhaps. Buffy: Hold on a sec. She was wiggy about the seal from minute one. Giles: Yes, I suppose she was. Buffy: Her trunks! Giles: I beg your pardon? Buffy: Okay, I don't get it. Why would the mummy kill her own bodyguard? Giles: Well, I've cross-referenced, and, uh, I've looked at the pictograms anew. He was a guard alright. But it was his job to insure that the mummy didn't awaken and escape. Buffy: So, Ampata translated wrong. Giles: Perhaps. Buffy: Hold on a sec. She was wiggy about the seal from minute one. Giles: Yes, I suppose she was. Buffy: Her trunks! Giles: I beg your pardon? Giles: It's certainly all boys' clothes. Why would a girl pack these? Buffy: How 'bout this one? What kind of girl travels with a mummified corpse? And doesn't even pack a lipstick? Giles: It's certainly all boys' clothes. Why would a girl pack these? Buffy: How 'bout this one? What kind of girl travels with a mummified corpse? And doesn't even pack a lipstick? Oz: That girl. Who is she? Devon: She's an exchange student. I think she's from South America. Oz: No, not her. The Eskimo! Buffy: Come on! Can't you put your foot down? Giles: It is down. Buffy: One of these days you're gonna have to get a grownup car. Buffy: I should've guessed. Remember Ampata wanted us to hide the seal? Giles: And then she wanted us to destroy it becau... Oh wait! Buffy: Uh, waiting... Giles: Well, we already know that the seal was used to contain the mummy. If breaking it freed her... Buffy: ...reassembling it will trap her. Giles: I'll go to the museum. I'll drop you off. I'll try to piece together the fragments there. Buffy: Okay, I'll still get Xander. Before he gets smoochy with Mummy Dearest. Xander: Have you seen Ampata? What was that? Willow: I shrugged. Xander: Next time you should probably say "shrug". Willow: Sigh. Jonathon: Your hands feel kinda...rough. Aren't you with Xander? Ampata: Does it look like I'm with Xander? Xander: There you are. Why'd you run away? Ampata: Because...I do not deserve you. Xander: What, you think that you don't deserve me? Man, I love you! Are those tears of joy? Pain? Revulsion? Ampata: I am very happy. And very sad. Xander: Hey, I know why you can't tell me. It's a secret, right? And if you told me, you'd have to kill me...Oh! That was a bad joke. And the delivery was off, too. I'm sorry. I, uh... I'm sorry. Giles: "Incan Cosmology unites the bird head with its paler twin." Um... Oh! Here. Its paler twin. Buffy: Where's Xander? Willow: He's looking for Ampata. Buffy: We need to find him. Ampata's the mummy. Willow: Oh...Good...Xander! Buffy: Where'd they go? Willow: Backstage, I think. Oz: Hey, I...Who is that girl? Buffy: Are you okay? Xander: I think so. Boy, that was some kiss! Buffy: Where's Ampata? Xander: She said something about the seal. Buffy: The seal! Giles! C'mon. Xander: What's goin' on? Willow: He doesn't know? Buffy: We'll tell him on the way. Buffy: I'll say one thing for you Incan mummies. You don't kiss and tell. Xander: Looks like you've been keeping secrets from me! You're not a normal girl. Buffy: And you are? Ampata: This won't hurt! Xander: Let her go! If you're gonna kiss anybody, it should be me. Ampata: Xander, we can be together. Just...just let me have this one. Xander: That's never gonna happen. Ampata: I must do it. I must do it now! Or it is the end for me and for us! Xander: NO! You want life? You're gonna have to take mine. Can you do that? Ampata: Yes! Xander: I'm really the Fun-Talking Guy today, huh? Sorry. Buffy: That's okay. You don't have to talk. Xander: I just, present company excluded, I have the worst taste in women of anyone in the world, ever. Buffy: Ampata wasn't evil. At least not to begin with, and...I-I do think she cared about you. Xander: Yeah, but I think that whole sucking the life out of people thing would have been a strain on the relationship. Buffy: She was gypped. She was just a girl, and she had her life taken away from her. I remember how I felt when I heard the prophecy that I was gonna die. I wasn't exactly obsessed with doing the right thing. Xander: Yeah, but you did. You gave up your life. Buffy: I had you to bring me back. prev episode next episode