home wallpapers fan videos icons quotes & sounds screencaps links contact me		Quotes | Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S2/Ep3 (15) "School Hard" prev episode next episode Snyder: A lot of educators tell students, "Think of your principal as your pal." I say, "Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner." Snyder: Tell me, who do you think is the most troublesome student in this school? Well, it is quite a match between you two. On the one hand, Buffy hasn't stabbed a horticulture teacher with a trowel. Sheila: I didn't stab anyone with a trowel. They were pruning shears. Snyder: On the other hand, Sheila has never burned down a school building. Buffy: W-well, that was never proven. The Fire Marshall said i-it coulda been mice. Snyder: Mice. Buffy: M-mice that were smoking? Snyder: The two of you seem to be tied in the class-cutting and fight-starting events. You really are neck and neck here. It's quite exciting. Sheila: What does the winner get? Snyder: Expelled. Thursday is Parent-Teacher night. Your parents, assuming you have any, will meet your teachers, assuming you have any left. I've decided to put the two of you in charge of this event. You have three days to prepare the refreshments, make the banners and transform the school lounge into a habitable place for adults. This will incur my good will. And may affect what I tell your parents when I meet them. Are we clear? Buffy: I'm clear. Don't you feel clear? We're very clear. Snyder: Good. Because you mess up this time, and your parents will be coming to cleanout your lockers. Buffy: Well, it shouldn't be that hard. We can work on the banners at lunch tomorrow and figure out refreshments then? Sheila: Yeah, sure, whatever. Hey, meatpie! Xander: Snyder's got you guys making party favors, huh? Buffy: His two worst students. That's what mom sees when she looks at me. A Sheila. Xander: Well, Sheila's definitely intense. That guy with her? That's the guy she can bring home to mother. Willow: She was already smoking in fifth grade. Once I was lookout for her. Xander: You're bad to the bone. Willow: I'm a rebel. Buffy: It's not fair. I'm the Slayer. That requires a certain amount of cutting and fighting. What's Sheila's excuse? Xander: Homework. She won't do it. And most teachers respect that now. Oh, you might wanna keep away any sharp implements when you're working with her. Buffy: Do you think any other Slayers ever had to go to high school? Xander: It's no biggie. You'll have a nice soire'e. The parents will love it. As long as nothing really bad happens between now and then, you'll be fine. Buffy: Are you crazy? What did you say that for? Now something bad is gonna happen! Xander: Whadaya mean? Nothing's gonna happen. Willow: Not until some dummy says, 'as long as nothing bad happens.' Buffy: It's the ultimate jinx! Willow: What were you thinking? Or were you even thinking at all? Xander: Well, you guys don't know. Maybe this time it'll be different. Vampire#1: The Master is dead. Someone has to take his place. Vampire#2: As long as the Slayer's alive, whoever takes his place will be sharing his grave. Vampire#1: Then let the soul who kills her wear his mantle. Collin: Can you do it? Vampire#1: Yes. This weekend, the night of St. Vigeous, our power shall be at its peak. When I kill her, it'll be the greatest event since the crucifixion. And I should know. I was there. Spike: You were there? Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. Spike: I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move. So. Who do you kill for fun around here? Collin: Who are you? Spike: Spike. You're that Anointed guy. I read about you. You've got Slayer problems. That's a bad piece of luck. Do you know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them. Collin: Can you? Spike: A lot faster than Nancy-boy there. Yeah, I did a couple Slayers in my time. I don't like to brag. Who am I kidding? I love to brag! There was this one Slayer during the Boxer Rebellion, and...Drusilla. You shouldn't be walking around. You're weak. Drusilla: Look at all the people. Are these nice people? Spike: We're getting along. Drusilla: This one has power. I could feel it from the outside. Spike: Yeah. He's the big noise in these parts. Anointed, and all that. Drusilla: Do you like daisies? Hmm? I plant them, but they always die. Everything I put in the ground withers and dies. Spike? I'm cold. Spike: I've got you. Drusilla: I'm a princess. Spike: That's what you are. Spike: Me and Dru, we're movin' in. Now. Any of you want to test who's got the biggest wrinklies 'round here...step on up. (to Collin) I'll do your Slayer for you. But you keep your flunkies from tryin' anything behind my back. Deal? Drusilla: I can't see her. The Slayer. I can't see. It's dark where she is. Kill her. Kill her, Spike. Kill her for me? Spike: It's done, baby. Drusilla: Kill her for princess? Spike: I'll chop her into messes. Drusilla: You are my sweet...my little Spike. Buffy: I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse, and it's neither creamy nor rinsey. Joyce: Life is hard, dear. Buffy: Don't I know it. Is that a split end? Joyce: I got the mail. Buffy: Good. Joyce: Which included a reminder notice about Parent-Teacher night. Thursday. Buffy: That's good. Joyce: Which you were planning on telling me about? Buffy: Oh, for...the last two weeks. Joyce: So, what do you think your teachers are gonna tell me about? Buffy: Well, I think they'll all agree that I always bring a pen to class, ready to absorb the knowledge. Joyce: And, uh, this absorption rate? How is it reflected in your homework and test scores? Buffy: What can you really tell about a person from a test score? Joyce: Whether or not she's ever going out with her friends again. Buffy: Oh, that. Joyce: Well, I look forward to meeting your principal. Buffy: Won't that be something. Joyce: Look, sweetheart. Life is more than grades and homework and not getting kicked out of school. Buffy: I know. Joyce: But we moved once because of you getting in trouble. And I had to start a new business, not to mention a new life in a whole new town. Buffy: And you don't wanna do it again. Joyce: What I don't want is to be disappointed in you again. Buffy: Mom, that's the last thing that I want, too. I'm trying, I really am. I just...I have a lot of pressure on me right now. Joyce: Wait till you get a job. Sleep tight Buffy: D'you think you can help me cram some French tonight? I don't want Mr. DeJean telling my mother I'm an imbecile. Willow: I thought we were going to the Bronze tonight. 'Cause of how you thought Angel might show? Xander: If he does he'll meet some other nice girl? Studying comes first. Buffy: We're going to the Bronze. I can study and party and do Parent-Teacher night and makemy mother proud as long as I don't have to... Giles: Buffy! Buffy: ...fight vampires. Giles: There is nothing in the chronicles about a-an extraneous lunar cycle. Jenny: The Order never accurately calculated the Mesopotamian Calendar. Rupert, you havegot to read something that was published after 1066. Giles: Very funny. Xander: What's the up, guys? Giles: W-um, Ms. Calendar has been researching, well, uh, surfing on her computer, a-and she's... Well, according to her calculations, this Saturday is the night of St. Vigeous. Buffy: Let me guess...he didn't make balloon animals. Giles: No, he led a crusade, of, of, uh, vampires. They swept through Edessa, Harran, and points east. Jenny: And they didn't leave much behind. Buffy: Well, if I survive Parent-Teacher night tomorrow, I'll see what I can do about Saturday. Giles: You're being a tad flip, don't you think? This is serious. Buffy: And getting kicked out of school is laughs aplenty? Giles: You know what happens when you, you let your life interfere with your slaying. Buffy: Okay, well, if my slaying doesn't get me expelled, then I promise my banner making won't get me killed, okay? Just please let me get through this week. Giles: This Saturday's going to need a great deal of preparation. Willow: Well, we'll help. Xander: Yeah, I'll whittle stakes. Willow: A-and I can research stuff. Xander: And while I'm whittling, I plan to whistle a jaunty tune. Giles: Yes, your help will be greatly appreciated, but when it comes to battle, Buffy must fight alone. You are, after all, the Slay...(sees Snyder in the hall)...slay-ve. Slaves. You're, you're all slaves to the, uh, television. Jenny: Yes. Giles: Young people nowadays. (to Jenny) Shall we go? Jenny: Mm, let's. Snyder: You wouldn't be helping Buffy in Sheila's place, would you? Xander: No. Willow: We're hindering. Snyder: She ditched. Mm. I feel an expulsion coming on. Buffy: No. No, actually, Sheila's been helping us for hours. Um, she just went to get some more paint. Oh! Oh, is there no more teal in the art room? I know you wanted everythingto be perfect, but let's just go with what we have. Sheila: Thanks for covering. Guy's a serious rodent. Buffy: No problem. Sheila: Did you really burn down a school building one time? Buffy: Well, not actually one time. Sheila: Cool. Buffy: La vache...doit me...touche...de la...jeudi. Was it wrong? Should I use the plural? Willow: No. But you said, "The cow should touch me from Thursday." Buffy: Maybe that's what I was feeling. Willow: And you said it wrong. Buffy: Oh, je stink. Willow: You're just not focused. It's Angel missage. Buffy: Well, he didn't say for sure. It was a "maybe see ya there" kinda deal. Xander: Guys, I'm all alone out there. Somebody has to dance with me. Willow: Well, we are studying. Xander: C'mon, one dance. You've been studying nearly twelve minutes. Buffy: No wonder my brain's fried. Spike: Where's the phone? I need to call the police. There's some big guy out there trying to bite somebody. Vampire #1: Slayer! Buffy: Slayee! Spike: Nice work, love. Buffy: Who are you? Spike: You'll find out on Saturday. Buffy: What happens on Saturday? Spike: I kill you. Sheila: Who are you? Spike: Who do you want me to be? Sheila: Did you see... Spike: ...those two losers who thought they were good enough for you? Sheila: What happened to 'em? Spike: They got sleepy. Sheila: Huh? Spike: And you got something a whole lot better. Giles: Spike. That's what the other vampire called him? That's a little unorthodox, isn't it? Buffy: Maybe he's reformed. Giles: Perhaps he went by another name in...times past. Xander: So, this night of St. Vigeous deal. If they're gonna attack in force, aren't we thinkin' vacation? Willow: We can't run, that would be wrong. Could we hide? I mean, if that Spike guy is leading the attack...yeeehehehe. Giles: Well, he can't be any worse than any other creature you've faced. Angel: He's worse. Once he starts something he doesn't stop until everything in his path is dead. Xander: Hmm. So, he's thorough, goal-oriented. Buffy: We were at the Bronze before. Thought you said you might show. Angel: You said you weren't sure if you were going. Buffy: I was being cool. C'mon, you've been dating for, what, like, two hundred years? You don't know what a girl means when she says maybe she'll show? Joyce: I got the mail. Buffy: Good. Joyce: Which included a reminder notice about Parent-Teacher night. Thursday. Buffy: That's good. Joyce: Which you were planning on telling me about? Buffy: Oh, for...the last two weeks. Willow: Wow, two centuries of dating. If you only had two a year, that's still, like, four hundred dates with four hundred different...Why do they call it a mace? Giles: Uh, we do have slightly more urgent matters to discuss. Buffy: Yeah, like keeping my mom away from Principal Snyder tomorrow night? Jenny: And not dying Saturday. Giles: Angel, do you know if this Spike fellow goes under any other name? (They all look to Angel, who's dissapeared) Xander: Okay, that's it. I'm puttin' a collar with a little bell on that guy. Drusilla: Miss Edith speaks out of turn. She's a bad example, and will have no cakes today. Shhhh. Spike: Darling, are you going to eat something? Drusilla: I'm not hungry. I miss Prague. Spike: You nearly died in Prague. Idiot mob. This is the place for us. The Hellmouth will restore you, put color in your cheeks, metaphorically speaking, and in a few week's time... Drusilla: The stars will align, and smile down on us. Spike: And then, God, this town will burn. Drusilla: A pretty fire! Drusilla: They're preparing. Spike: St. Vigeous is coming up. Should be a party. Drusilla: You should go up with them and cleanse. Spike: Dru... Drusilla: The boy doesn't trust you. They follow him. I think sometimes that all my hair will fall out and I'll be bald. Spike: Never happen. Alright. I'll go up and get chanty with the fellas, but you got to do me one favor. Eat something. Drusilla: You see, Miss Edith? If you'd been good you could watch with the rest. Giles: For three nights the unholy ones scourge themselves into a fury, um, culminating in a savage attack on the night of St. Vigeous. Xander: Does anybody remember when Saturday night meant date night? Cordelia: You sure don't. Buffy: Ooo! Parents start arriving in an hour. Okay, so, um, banners are in place, the lounge is comfy... What am I forgetting? Willow: Punch? Buffy: Punch. I need, I need punch! Cordelia: My fingers are cramping. How long have I been doing this? Xander: Three minutes. Cordelia: So, can I go now? She doesn't need this many stakes. I mean, if this guy Spike is as mean as you all said, it should be over pretty quickly. We're still all rooting for you on Saturday. I'd be there for you myself if I didn't have a leg wax. Willow: What kinda punch did you make? Buffy: Uh, lemonade. I made it fresh and everything. Willow: How much sugar did you use? Buffy: Sugar? Snyder: Was that your mother? Buffy: Oh! Oh, sorry! Um, yeah! Yeah, I was gonna introduce you, but, um, she wouldn't have said much. Y'know, she doesn't speak a word of English. Cordelia: Giles has us locked up in that library working on your weapons. Even slaves get minimum wage. Cordelia: You're starting to look a little slagged. What, are you just skipping foundation entirely now? Buffy: Cordelia, I have at least three lives to contend with, none of which really mesh. It's kind of like oil and water and a...third unmeshable thing. Cordelia: Yeah, and I can see the oil.Is that your mom? Now that is a woman that knows how to moisturize. Did it, like, skip a generation? Joyce: Well, I believe that I have seen every classroom on campus, and just as I get there all your teachers miraculously have stepped out. Buffy: Oh! Oh. Um, but you haven't seen the boiler room yet. And, you know, that's really interesting, what with the boiler being in the room and all. Joyce: Hi. I'm Joyce Summers. I'm Buffy's mother. Snyder: Principal Snyder. I'm afraid we need to talk. My office is down here. Buffy: He didn't look very happy. Willow: But you did such a good job. Cordelia: When they're done talking... Buffy: What? Cordelia: My guess? Tenth high school reunion, you'll still be grounded. Willow: Cordelia, have some lemonade. Giles: Oh, there you are. Jenny: There who is? Giles: Our new friend Spike. He's known as "William the Bloody". Earned his nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes. Very pleasant. Well, here's some good news: he's barely two hundred. He's not even as old as Angel is...Oh. Xander: That's a bad look, right? Giles: I think your suggestion of running away this Saturday might've been a good one. Spike has fought two Slayers in the last century, and...he's killed them both. Giles: What the hell...?! Buffy: Spike and an army! Look out! Vampire #2: We cut the power. Nobody got out. Spike: And the Slayer? Vampire #2: She either went that way...or that way. I saw two others. Spike: You don't know?! I'm a veal kind of guy. You're too old to eat. But not to kill...I feel better. Giles: They've cut the phones. (has an idea) Wait a minute. There's an old boarded up-cellar behind the stacks. You can get out that way. Find Angel. He knows about Spike. We need him. Xander: No, I'm not going anywhere until I know that Buffy and Willow are alright. Giles: No one will be alright unless we get some help! Vampire #2: Spike! Listen... Spike: Someone's in the ceeeeeiling! Jenny: Hey-hey-hey-hey! What are you doing? There are at least three vampires in that hall! God only knows how many others in the building! Giles: Listen! I am the Watcher! I am responsible for her, and I have, I have to go! Jenny: Rupert!...Be careful. Giles: Buffy! You're all right! Jenny: How are the others? Buffy: Principal Snyder, my mother and four others are locked in the science room across the hall. Willow and Cordelia ran the other way. I don't know if they're... Buffy: Good. Okay, I'm gonna take the vamps out in the hall. After that you get my mother and the others out the same way. Giles: Let me help you. Buffy: Giles, my mother's in that room. If I don't make it out of here, I know you'll make sure she does. Giles: Bloody right, I will. Fair enough. What's your plan? Buffy: Well, they split up to hold us here, so I'm gonna take 'em one on one. Set 'em up and knock 'em down. Joyce: Why don't you sit down? Snyder: This is my school. What I say goes, and I say this is not happening. Joyce: Well, then I guess the danger's over! Man: I'm not waiting for them to open the doors. I'm gettin' out! Joyce: Don't be an idiot! Snyder: I'm beginning to see a certain mother-daughter resemblance. Joyce: No! Look, you heard what Buffy said! Snyder: She's a student. What does she know? Vampire: Yeah. Door's solid. Spike: Use your head. Cordelia: I think he's gone. Willow: He could come back! Cordelia: What are we gonna do? Willow: Pray. Buffy: Sheila! Where've you been? Sheila: Sorry I'm late. There's some really weird guys outside. Buffy: Shh! Yeah, I know. They're trying to kill us. Sheila: This should be fun. Spike: Angelus! Angel: Spike! Spike: I'll be damned! Angel: I taught you to always guard your perimeter. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should have someone out there. Spike: I did. I'm surrounded by idiots. What's new with you? Angel: Everything. Spike: Yeah. Come up against this Slayer yet? Angel: She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave the puppy dog 'I'm all tortured' act. Keeps her off my back when I feed! Spike: People still fall for that Anne Rice routine. What a world! Xander: I knew you were lying. Undead liar guy. Spike: I haven't seen you in the killing fields for an age. Angel: I'm not much for company. Spike: No, you never were. So, why're you so scared of this Slayer? Angel: Scared? Spike: Yeah. Time was you would've taken her out in a heartbeat. Now look at you. I bet this, uh, tortured thing is an act, right? You're not...housebroken? Angel: I saw her kill the Master. Hey, you think you can take her alone? Be my guest. I'll just feed and run. Spike: Don't be silly! We're all friends. We'll do it together. Let's drink to it. Spike: You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man! You were my...Yoda! Angel: Things change. Spike: Not us! Not demons! Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom! Spike: Fe, fi, fo fum. I smell the blood of a nice ripe girl. Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this? Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly. Spike: The last Slayer I killed...she begged for her life. You don't strike me as the begging kind. Buffy: You shouldn'ta come here. Spike: No. I've messed up your doilies and stuff. But I just got so bored. I'll tell you what. As a personal favor from me to you I'll make it quick. It won't hurt a bit. Buffy: No, Spike. It's gonna hurt a lot. Spike: Now, that hurt! But not as much as this will. Joyce: You get the hell away from my daughter! Spike: Women! Joyce: Nobody lays a hand on my little girl. Chief: Take care of this. Snyder: Hello, Bob. Chief: It's over. They all got away. I got a body inside, and I got another one on the south lawn. And it looks like he was pulled right through the window. Snyder: I told him not to go through that window. Jenny: Well, another wonderful fun-filled evening. Giles: Uh, yes. You know, um, I will understand if you decide to start avoiding me. Xander: So, when you gave him my neck to chew on, why didn't you clock him before he had a chance to clock you? Angel: I told you. I couldn't make the first move. I had to see if he was buying it or not. Xander: A-and if he bit me, what then? Angel: We would've known he bought it. Xander: Hey, what's the deal with you being Spike's sire? What's a sire? Chief: I need to say something to the media people. Snyder: So? Chief: So? You want the usual story? Gang-related? PCP? Snyder: What'd you have in mind? The truth? Chief: Right. Gang-related. PCP. Buffy: So, what did you and Principal Snyder talk about anyway? Joyce: Principal Snyder said you were a troublemaker...And I could care less. I have a daughter who can take care of herself. Who's brave and resourceful and thinks of others in a crisis. No matter who you hang out with or what dumb teenage stuff you think you need to do, I'm gonna sleep better knowing all that. Buffy: About how long till this wears off and you start ragging on me again? Joyce: Oh, at least a week and a half. Cordelia: And if you get me out of this, I swear I'll never be mean to anyone ever again. Unless they really deserve it. Or if it's that time of the month, in which case I don't think you or anyone else canhold me responsible... Willow: Ask for some aspirin. Cordelia: And can you please send some asp...Hey! Spike: A Slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure. Drusilla: You'll kill her, and then we'll have a nice celebration. Spike: Yeah, a party. Drusilla: Yeah. With streamers...and songs. Spike: How's the annoying one? Drusilla: He doesn't wanna play. Spike: Figures. Well, suppose I better go make nice. Collin: You failed. Spike: I, uh... I offer penance. Vampire #2: Penance?! You should lay down your life! Our numbers are depleted, the feast of St. Vigeous has been ruined by your impatience! Spike: I was rash, and if I had to do it all over again...Who am I kidding? I would do it exactly the same, only I'd do this... Collin: No! Spike: ...first! Spike: From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual...and a little more fun around here. 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