home wallpapers fan videos icons quotes & sounds screencaps links contact me		Quotes | Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S2/Ep2 (14) "Some Assembly Required" prev episode next episode Angel: Is this a bad time? Buffy: Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or...yodel. Angel: I heard you were on the hunt. Buffy: I'm supposed to be, but...lazy bones here doesn't wanna come out and play. Angel: When you first wake up it's a little disorienting. He'll show. Buffy: It's weird to think of you going through that. Angel: It's weird to go through. So, uh, you're here alone? Buffy: Yeah! Why? Angel: I just thought you'd have somebody with you. Xander or someone. Buffy: Xander. Angel: Or someone. Buffy: Nope. Why? Are you jealous? Angel: Of Xander? Please. He's just a kid. Buffy: Is it 'cause I danced with him? Angel: "Danced with" is a pretty loose term. "Mated with" might be a little closer. Buffy: Don't you think you're being a little unfair? It was one little dance, which I only did to make you crazy, by the way. Behold my success. Angel: I am not jealous. Buffy: You're not jealous? What, vampires don't get jealous? Angel: See? Whenever we fight you always bring up the vampire thing. Buffy: Well, I didn't come here to fight...Oh, right, I did. Buffy: What do you mean he's just a kid? Does that mean I'm just a kid, too? Angel: Look, obviously I made a mistake coming here tonight. Buffy: Oh, no you don't. You can't just turn and walk away from me like that. It takes more than that to get rid of me. Buffy: Gee, I wish people wouldn't leave open graves laying around like this. Angel: So. Another vampire has risen tonight. Buffy: I don't think so. Look at those tracks. Whoever was buried here didn't rise from this grave. She was dragged from it. Giles: W-w-w-what I'm proposing is, um...and I-I don't mean to appear indecorous, is, is, um, a, a-a-a social engagement, um, a, a, a, a-a date, if you're amenable...You idiot! Buffy: Boy...I guess we never realized how much you like that chair. Giles: I-I-I was just working on... Buffy: Your pickup lines? Giles: Um, in a manner of speaking, yes. Buffy: Then if you wouldn't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might wanna leave off the "idiot" part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood. Xander: Hmm, it actually kinda turns me on. Buffy: I fear you. Buffy: You also might wanna avoid words like "amenable" and "indecorous", y'know. Speak English, not whatever they speak in, um... Giles: England? Buffy: Yeah. You just say, "Hey, I got a thing, you maybe have a thing, maybe we could have a thing." Giles: Oh, thank you, Cyrano. Buffy: I'm not finished. Then you say, "How do you feel about Mexican?" Giles: About Mexicans? Buffy: Mexican. Food. You take her for food, for which you then pay. Giles: Oh. Right. Xander: So this chair-woman. We are talking Ms. Calendar, right? Giles: W-what makes you think that? Xander: Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows that you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her. Buffy: And she's the only woman we've actually ever seen speak to you. Add it all up and it all spells "duh". Xander: Now, is it time to have a talk about the facts of life? Giles: You know, I'm suddenly deciding this is none of your business. Xander: Y'know, because that whole stork thing is a smoke screen. Giles: So, um, how did things go last night? Did Mr. Korshak show up on schedule? Buffy: More or less. Angel and I took care of him. Xander: Angel. Buffy: There's something else, though. We found an empty grave. Giles: Another vampire? Buffy: No. No, this one was dug up and the body was taken out. Giles: Grave robbing? That's new. Interesting. Buffy: I know you meant to say gross and disturbing. Giles: Yes, yes, yes of course. Uh, terrible thing. Must, must put a stop to it. Damn it. Xander: So. Why does someone want to dig up graves? Giles: Well, I'll, uh, collect some theories. Uh, it would help if we knew who the body belonged to. Buffy: Meredith Todd. Ring a bell? Xander: No. Buffy: She died recently. She was our age. Xander: Drawin' a blank. Giles: Why don't we ask Willow to, uh, fire this thing up and, uh, track Meredith down? Willow: Oh, I, I was just wondering what you were gonna do this year. Chris: Why? Willow: 'Cause every year you win and I place second, so I just thought I'd see what I'm up against. Chris: You know what the key is? If Dr. Clark doesn't understand your experiment he gives you higher marks so it looks like he understands your experiment. "The Effects of Sub-Violet Light Spectrum Deprivation on the Development of Fruit Flies"? That should do the trick. Cordelia: Okay, I'm doing this under protest. It is not fair that they're making participation in this year's science fair mandatory. I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to. Willow: "The Tomato: Fruit or Vegetable"? Cordelia: I wanted to do something I could finish in a weekend, alright? Cordelia: Stop it! What are you doing? We are under florescent light, for God's sake. Eric: The camera loves you! Cordelia: I didn't think yearbook nerds came out of hibernation till spring. Eric: It's for my private collection. Buffy: Comin' through. Sorry. Uh, sorry to interrupt, Willow, but it's the Bat Signal. Eric: Cordelia's so fine. Y'know, she'd be just perfect for us. Chris: Don't be an idiot. She's alive. Willow: This shouldn't take long. I'm probably the only girl in school who has the coroner's office bookmarked as a favorite place. Cordelia: Hi. Sorry to interrupt your little undead playgroup, but I need to ask Willow if she'll help me with my science fair project. Willow: It's a fruit. Cordelia: I would've asked Chris to help me, but then that would've brought back too many memories of Daryl. Willow: I found it! Meredith Todd died in a car accident last week. Cordelia: Of course I have learned to deal with my pain. Buffy: How was her neck? Willow: Fine, except for being broken. Cordelia: Hello! Can we deal with my pain, please? Giles: There, there. Willow: It says that Meredith and two other girls in the car were killed instantly. They were all on the Fondren High Pep Squad, on the way to a game. Buffy: You know what this means. Xander: That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body count competition this year? Buffy: She wasn't killed by vampires. Somebody did dig up her corpse. Cordelia: Eww! Why is it that every conversation you people have has the word "corpse" in it? Xander: Okay, so we got a body snatcher. What does that mean? Giles: Uh, h-here's what I've come up with. Demons who eat the flesh of the dead to absorb their souls. Or, i-i-it could obviously be a, a voodoo practitioner. Willow: You mean making a zombie? Giles: Uh, zombies, more likely. For most traditional purposes a voodoo priest would require more than one. Buffy: So, we should see if the other girls from the accident are AWOL, too. Maybe we can figure out what this creep has in mind if we know whether or not he's dealing in volume. Xander: So, we dig up some graves tonight? Willow: Oh, boy! A field trip! Are you gonna call Angel? Buffy: I don't think so. Xander: Yeah, why bother him, huh? Buffy: Angel and I have been, um...Never mind. As far as Angel's concerned, I'm taking the night off, okay? Xander: So, we're set then. Say, nineish? BYO shovel? Willow: And I'll pack some food. Who else likes those little powdered doughnuts? Xander: Me. Willow: Cordelia? Cordelia: Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew we were gonna be digging up dead people sooner. I would've canceled. Xander: Alright, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh? Giles: Xander? Xander: Huh? Giles: Zombies don't eat the flesh of the living. Xander: Yeah, I knew that. But did you see the look on her face? Buffy: I couldn't believe Angel. He was acting all jealous, and he wouldn't even admit it. Willow: Jealous of what? Buffy: Of Xander. Willow: Because you did that sexy dance with him? Buffy: Am I ever gonna live that down? Willow: No. Buffy: Anyway, he was being totally irrational. Willow: Love makes you do the wacky. Buffy: That's the truth. Xander: Y'know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too. Giles: Here, here. Buffy: Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies. Buffy: So, speaking of the wacky, what was Cordelia's whole riff about painful memories? Who's Daryl? Willow: Daryl Epps. Chris' older brother. He was a big football star. All-State two years ago. He was a running...He was a running...Uh, someone who runs and catches. Buffy: Was he a studly? Willow: Big time. All of the girls were crazy for him. Buffy: And he broke Cordy's heart? Thus possibly proving its existence. Willow: He died. Rock climbing or something? He fell. Buffy: Man, that's lousy. Poor Chris. Willow: Ever since then Chris has been real quiet. Kind of in his own world. I heard their mother doesn't even leave the house anymore. Giles: I think we're there. Willow: By the way, are we hoping to find a body, or no body? Xander: Call me an optimist, but I'm hoping to find a fortune in gold doubloons. Giles: Um, body would mean flesh-eating demon, no body would point towards the, uh, army of zombies thing. Take your pick, really. Right, then, uh...Go on. Xander: You're closer. Buffy: Pathetic much? Move over. Cordelia: Xander Harris, if this is some kind of joke... Angel: Cordelia. This is the last place I expected you to hang out. Cordelia: Oh, God! God, it's you. Why were you following me? Angel: I wasn't sure it was you at first. I'm looking for Buffy. Cordelia: Buffy? Well, she's, uh...big shock, she's at the graveyard. Angel: She said she'd be home. Cordelia: Well, she lied. Isn't she a rascal? Well, you're in luck. It just so happens that my night is free. Willow: Is it an army if you just have three? Buffy: Zombie drill team then. Angel: I thought you were takin' the night off. Buffy: I, I was, um, but something came up. Angel: Cordelia told me the truth. Xander: That's gotta be a first. Giles: Um, as long as you're here, perhaps you could be of some help. Hmm? Hmm? Buffy: We were investigating. Somebody's been digging up the bodies of dead girls. Angel: I know. We found some of them. Buffy: You mean, like, two of the three? Angel: I mean, like, some of them. Like parts. Cordelia: It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm. God, there were so many parts, they were everywhere. Why are these terrible things always happening to me? Xander: Karma! Willow: So much for our zombie theory. Giles: So much for all our theories. Buffy: I don't get it. Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls only to chop them up and throw them away? It doesn't make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint. Angel: Well, what I saw didn't add up to three whole girls. I think they kept some parts. Buffy: Could this get yuckier? Willow: They probably kept the other parts to eat. Buffy: Question answered. Giles: Why dispose of the remains five miles from the cemetery at a school, of all places? Buffy: Maybe because whoever did it had some business in the neighborhood. Like, say, classes? Giles: Oh. Ah. Angel: This was no hatchet job. Whoever made those incisions really knew what they were doing. Giles: Yes, really. What student here is gonna be that well versed in physiology? Willow: Well, I can think of five or six guys in the science club. And me. Xander: So, Will, come clean. Promise to never do it again, and we'll call it a night. He joked! Buffy: Willow, why don't you get these guys' locker numbers so we can do some checking? Cordelia: No. I have to go home now. I have to take a bath and burn my clothes. Xander: You have to go? Aw, too bad. Keep in touch. Buh-bye. Cordelia: I don't wanna go alone. I'm still fragile. Can you take me? Great! I'll drive? Xander: How about that? I always pegged him as a one-woman vampire. Chris: I'm going out, Mom. I'll be back later, okay? Mom? Giles: You understand, in my capacity as school official, this search is completely unauthorized, and I, I cannot condone it. Buffy: Fine, your butt's covered. Wanna grab a locker? Giles: Uh, yes, yes, of course. Buffy: Okay, Eric. Let's see what's on your annoying little mind. Willow: Nothing in here but back issues of Scientific American. Ooo, I haven't read this one! Xander: Guys! Your friend Chris Epps' locker. Willow: "Grey's Anatomy", "Mortician's Desk Reference", "Robicheaux's Guide to Muscles and Tendons". Giles: I think it's fair to say Chris is involved. Xander: He's into corpses alright, but we still don't know why. Buffy: Yes, we do. Eric: (singing) I guess you'll say, What can make me feel this way? / My girl / Talkin' 'bout my girl / My girl...How's my baby? Chris: She's not your baby. Eric: She's not gonna be anybody's baby if we don't finish her soon. Chris: I'm working on it. Eric: So am I, friend. So am I. Xander: Any sign of our suspects? Buffy: Not yet. I don't get it. Why would anybody wanna make a girl? Xander: You mean when there's so many pre-made ones just laying around? The things we do for love. Buffy: Love has nothing to do with this. Xander: Maybe not, but I'll tell you this: people don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. Xander: People want the dream. What they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive. Willow: And for Eric the unattainable would include everyone. That's alive. Buffy: Uh, Eric's sick enough to do something like this, but what about Chris? He seems like a human person. Willow: I dunno. That thing with his brother was really hard on him. And he talked about death a lot. Maybe he just wanted to get one-up on it. Buffy: But it's not doable. I mean, making someone from scraps, actually making them live. Willow: If it is, my science project's definitely coming in second this year. Xander: And speaking of love... Willow: We were talking about the re-animation of dead tissue. Xander: Do I deconstruct your segues? Buffy: Hey. Giles: Oh! Yes. Hello. Buffy: Still no sign of our mad doctors? Giles: What? Oh! Uh, corpses, yes. Evil. Huh. Very good. Buffy: Okay, Giles, just remember, "I feel a thing, you feel a thing..." But personalize it. Giles: Personalize it? Buffy: She's a technopagan, right? Ask her to bless your laptop. Have fun. Giles: What? Oh! Don't... Xander: Best of luck. Giles: ...leave? Giles: Uh, Ms. Calendar? Jenny: Oh, no, please call me Jenny. Ms. Calendar's my father. Giles: Jenny, then. You know, uh, Jenny, um... Jenny: Hmm? Giles: Would it a-appear indecorous...Uh, no, not in-in-indecorous, um... Jenny: Yeah...? Giles: Well, um...Wha...Ah, ah, um... Jenny: Rupert, look, I've gotta get inside and set up the lab. Giles: What, what I'm proposing is... Jenny: Ah! I gotta go! Sorry! Giles: (to himself) You idiot! Jenny: Hey! Listen, if it's important, why don't you just tell me at the game? Giles: Game? Oh, uh, you're going to the football game? Jenny: Yeah, you seem surprised. Giles: No! No, I-I-I-I-I-I just assumed that you, you, you spent your evenings downloading incantations and, and, and casting bones. Jenny: On game night? Are you nuts? You're going, too, right? Giles: Oh, of course. Always, always do. Jenny: So, we should just go together! Look, I could pick you up after school, and we'll grab a bite to eat on the way if you like. How do you feel about Mexican? Willow: I still don't get how Chris could do it. I mean, arresting the cell deterioration is one thing, but... Xander: Hello! I wanna get ahead. Willow: Maybe an electrical current combined with an adrenaline boost. Xander: For the love of God, can somebody scratch my nose? Buffy: Well, it's official. Chris and Eric didn't come to school today. Xander: That's no coincidence. Willow: Maybe they finished their project. Buffy: God! What if it worked? What, what if that poor girl is walking around? Xander: Poor girls, technically. Buffy: What could she be thinking? Willow: And what are they gonna do with her? Giles: I don't think we need to worry about that just yet. I spoke to a press person this morning about the remains. The police have finished sorting through them, and apparently they found three heads in the dumpster. Buffy: They only had three girls. Giles: Precisely. Willow: So, they don't have the whole, uh, package? Xander: Heads must be no good. Huh. I found 'em attractive enough. Well, obviously I'm not as sick as Chris and Eric. Giles: Based on what the police have put together, I would say they're one step short of completing their masterpiece. Willow: One step. Eric: We're running out of time. If we wait too long, the onset of atrophy in the limbs will be irreversible. Chris: We can turn up the current. That'll buy us a day, at least. Eric: We will lose the entire body if we don't attach a head soon. Chris: We have time. Eric: We don't! The crash with the girls was lucky. But we can't just keep waiting around for another lucky accident to drop a head in our laps. You know what we have to do. Hell, it's just one lousy girl. Chris: I won't do it. I...I can't...kill anyone. Please! Understand. I...I can't do that! Please don't make me. Daryl: But you gave me your word. You promised me, little brother. That I wouldn't be alone. Eric: The body is perfect. And if we harvest a head tonight, she'll be ready by sunrise. Daryl: When you brought me back you promised you'd take care of me. I need this, Chris. I need someone. Chris: Please don't ask me to do this. Don't ask me to take a life. Eric: I tried to tell him. If you take a life in order to make a life, the whole thing is a wash. No harm, no foul. Chris: Maybe you could...you could go out... Daryl: No! Chris: Let people know. Daryl: They can't see me. Chris, you've always been smarter than me. You were always the brains. You're the only one who can help me now. Third and long, seconds to go. Where do you throw? Where do you throw? Chris: Number five. Daryl's gonna drive. Daryl: Help me, brother. Daryl: Show me!...This one. Eric: Ha, ha. A man of taste. My girl / Talkin' 'bout my girl / My girl Willow: I checked the obits. Nothing that would make for a likely candidate. Xander: They seem kinda picky for guys who had three heads to begin with. Willow: Formaldehyde. Giles: Formaldehyde. Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course, it accelerates neural decay in the brain cells. Willow: After a couple days they're useless. They're gonna need something really fresh. Xander: How fresh? Willow: As fresh as possible. Buffy, you don't think that they would... Buffy: I think anybody who cuts dead girls into little pieces does not get the benefit of any doubt. I wanna end this thing now. Willow: Buffy? Don't be too hard on Chris. I mean, he's not a vampire. Buffy: No. He's just a ghoul. Buffy: Hi. Um, I'm a friend of Chris'. I kinda need to talk to him. Uh, do you know if he's home? So, is he home? Mrs. Epps: Westbury game. November 17, '95. Daryl rushed 185 yards that night. Four TD's. He was MVP, and he made All-City that season. Buffy: Yeah, that was a great one. Um, but is Chris home? Mrs. Epps: I dunno. Is today a school day? Oh, watch! Watch this move! Daryl takes a kickoff, he sheds one, two, three defenders, and he breaks into the open field for a ninety-five yard touchdown! He woulda been nineteen next week. Cordelia: Oh, God! Chris, you scared me. What are you doing in here? Is something wrong? Buffy: Joy! Lisa! Where's Cordelia? Joy: Cordelia has a game to think about. She doesn't need losers like you. Buffy: I'm sorry, what did you say? Buffy: Don't worry, he's gone. Cordelia: I was on my way down to the field when Chris came in, and all of a sudden someone jumped me. Buffy: Shh! Quiet down. Relax. Take it easy. Cordelia: That's the fight song. Oh my God, it's time for the cheerleader pyramid at mid-field. I've gotta go. Buffy: Well, are you sure you're okay to go out there? Cordelia: Yeah, you don't understand, I have to go. I'm the apex! Buffy: Chris? I know what you're trying to do. You and Eric. I know about the bodies from the cemetery. But you haven't hurt anyone yet. Look, I know what it's like to lose someone that you're close to. But that's no excuse. What you're doing is wrong. Chris: I have to do this for him. He needs someone. Buffy: Who, Eric? He needs industrial strength therapy! Chris: He always looked out for me. Stood up for me. He's all alone. Everybody loved him. And now he's all alone. Buffy: Who are you talking...Oh my God! Daryl: You promised me! You promised I wouldn't have to be alone! Eric: It's not too late. Nothing's changed! We can still do this! You and me. Your brother's not the only one who can create life. Whadaya say? Let's go scare you up a date. Buffy: He's not here. Where else could he be? Chris: But he would never go out. U-unless... Buffy: He's gonna pick up where you left off. Jenny: I don't know what it is about football that does it for me. I mean, it lacks the, the grace of basketball, the, uh, poetry of baseball. At its best it's unadorned aggression. It's such a rugged contest. Giles: Rugged. American football. Jenny: And that's funny because? Giles: No! I just think it's rather odd that a nation that prides itself on its virility should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just in order to play rugby. Jenny: Is this your normal strategy for a first date? Dissing my country's national pastime? Giles: Did you just say 'date'? Jenny: You noticed that, huh? Willow: Eric's was a bust. Nothing there. Xander: Yeah, nothing but a bunch of computer equipment and a pornography collection so prodigious it even scared me. Willow: Did Buffy get back yet? Giles: No, uh, no. Uh, perhaps you should, uh, circulate nearer the field, see what you can find. Xander: So, what's the score? Cordelia: Please, what's going on? Just take off the blindfold. I promise I won't scream! I promise! Daryl: She's beautiful! Eric: No! It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. Cordelia: Please? Just take off the blindfold! I promise I won't scream! I promise! Daryl: Cordelia? Daryl: You were always good to me. Always noticed me. But I ignored you. I'm sorry. I'm glad I have a second chance to tell you that. Cordelia: D-Daryl? Daryl: I was thoughtless. I see that now. But I've changed. I've learned to appreciate how much it meant that you wanted to be with me. Eric: We're ready. Cordelia: Ready? Ready for what? Eric: You're gonna feel a little pinch, maybe some discomfort around the neck area. But don't worry. When you wake up, you'll have the body of a seventeen-year-old. In fact, you'll have the body of several. Buffy: He was here, Chris. Where did he take her? Chris: To the rest of the body. To the lab. Buffy: Where is that? Chris: I promised him that I... Buffy: Look, he'll kill Cordelia! You can't just give and take lives like that. It's not your job. Chris: He's in the old science lab. Everything's set up there. Cordelia: Daryl, please. You don't have to do this. Daryl: We have to. So we can be together. Cordelia: We'll be together anyway! I'll be with you, I promise! Daryl: Is that right? Cordelia: Mm hm! Daryl: You see anything you like? And when you're finished you won't go out. You won't run away. But we can hide together. Buffy: Daryl, listen. I know what you're doing, okay? Your brother sent me to stop you. Daryl: He wouldn't do that. My brother loves me. Cordelia: Buffy, they're crazy! Buffy: It's okay, Cordelia. I'm gonna get you outta here. Daryl: No, I'm not done with her yet! I'm not finished! Daryl: She's mine! Chris: Daryl! Daryl! Daryl: No. We'll be together always. Chris: The first time he woke up after...He said I shouldn'ta brought him back. I-I was just...tryin' to look out for him. Like..he woulda done for me. Angel: I saw the fire. I figured you'd be here. Is everyone okay? Buffy: Yeah. We're okay. Giles: Sorry about all this. Jenny: It's okay. Although a good rule of thumb for a first date is don't do anything so exciting that it'll be hard to top on the second date. Giles: Believe it or not, since I've moved here to live on top of the Hellmouth, the events of this evening actually qualify as a slow night. Did you just say "second date"? Jenny: You noticed that, huh? Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me. You ever think that the world is a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped and we're the only ones who don't have a chair? Willow: All the time. Cordelia: Xander? I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there was anything that I could ever do to... Xander: Do you mind? We're talking here...So where were we? Willow: Wondering why we never get dates. Xander: Yeah, so why do you think that is? Buffy: God, the whole thing was so creepy. Well, at the same time, I mean...he did do it all for his brother. Angel: Sounds like he took it a little over the edge. Buffy: Love makes you do the wacky. Angel: What? Buffy: Crazy stuff. Angel: Oh. Crazy, like a two-hundred-and-forty-one-year-old being jealous of a high school junior? Angel: I've thought about it. Maybe it bothers me a little. Buffy: I don't love Xander. Angel: Yeah, but he's in your life. He gets to be there when I can't. Take your classes, eat your meals, hear your jokes and complaints. He gets to see you in the sunlight. Buffy: I don't look that good in direct light. Angel: It'll be morning soon. Buffy: I should probably go. I could walk you home. prev episode next episode