home wallpapers fan videos icons quotes & sounds screencaps links contact me		Quotes | Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S1/Ep9 (9) "The Puppet Show" prev episode next episode Cordelia: (singing) Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. I decided long ago...never to walk in anyone's shadow. If I fail, if I succeed, at least... Giles: Thank you, Cordelia. Tha-that's going to be lovely. Cordelia: But I didn't do the part with the sparklers! Giles: Um, w-we'll, um...save that for the dress rehearsal. Uh, Lisa! Please! Buffy: If it isn't the great producer! Xander: Had to see this to believe it. Giles: Oh. You three. Buffy: The school talent show. How ever did you finagle such a primo assignment? Giles: Our new Führer, Mr. Snyder. Willow: I think they call 'em 'principals' now. Giles: Mm. He thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was a deliberate attempt to minimize said contact, but, uh, he would have none of it. Buffy: Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny. Giles: If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least, um, helped. Buffy: Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role...and watch! Xander: And mock! Willow: And laugh! Buffy: Principal Snyder! Snyder: So. We think school events are stupid, and we think authority figures are to be made fun of. Buffy: No! No, we don't. W-unless you do. Snyder: And we think our afternoon classes are optional. All three of you left campus yesterday. Buffy: Yeah, but we were fighting a demon... Snyder: Fighting? Buffy: Not fighting. Xander: No, we, uh, left to avoid fighting. Snyder: Real anti-social types. You need to integrate into this school, people. I think I just found three eager new participants for the talent show. Buffy: What? Xander: No! Willow: Please? Buffy: Well, we're really, really sorry, but about the talent show, pleeease, you can't make us... Snyder: My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. You're in my world now. And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time. Xander: Can I just mention, that detention is a time-honored form of punishment? Snyder: I know the three of you will come up with a wonderful act for the school to watch. And mock. And laugh. At. Buffy: Ewww, dummy! Xander: Dyow! Mime! Willow: I think dummies are cute. You don't? Buffy: Uuuhhh. They give me the wig. Ever since I was little. Willow: What happened? Buffy: I saw a dummy. It gave me the wig. There really wasn't a story there. Morgan: Hi. I'm Morgan. (as Sid) And I'm Sid! Hey Morgan, would you like to tell some jokes? (as himself) Would I! (as Sid) As a matter of fact, it is! It's also a wood nose, and a wood mouth! Morgan: I didn't sleep at all last night. Sid: Alright, time out. Let's stop this before someone gets hurt. Kid, you are the worst. Even I can see your lips move. Morgan: C'mon, Sid. You're spoiling my act. I worked on these jokes for weeks. Sid: You call those jokes? My jockey shorts are made out of better material. And they're edible! Giles: There, you see? I'm sure you three can come up with something...equally exciting. Emily: Is anybody there? Hello? Hello? Demon: I will be flesh! Marc: I reach into the hat, and out...comes...Has anybody seen a rabbit? Xander: I, I can't! I have my pride! Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this! Willow: A dramatic scene is the easiest way to get through the talent show, because it doesn't require an actual talent. Xander: But we have talent. We can do stuff. Buffy, uh... Buffy: What am I gonna do? Slay vampires on stage? Willow: Maybe in a funny way! Xander: Willow, you can do stuff. Uh, the piano... Buffy: You play? Willow: A little. Buffy: Well, that's cool. You can accompany us and we can attempt to sing. Willow: Oh, i-in front of other people? Then, no, I don't play... Xander: Whatever happened to corporal punishment? Sid: Mm, mm, mm. Look at the goodies! Willow: Morgan, you're really getting good! Where did you come up with that voice? Morgan: It's kind of an imitation of my dad. Buffy: Sounds real! Sid: It is real. I'm the one with the talent here. The kid's dead weight. How about you and I do a little rehearsin' on our own, honey? Sid: You know what they say: once you go wood, nothin's as good! Buffy: Okay, Morgan. We get the joke. Horny dummy, ha, ha, it's very funny, but you might wanna consider getting some new schtick. Unless you want your prop ending up as a Duraflame log. Snyder: Kids today need discipline. That's an unpopular word these days, "discipline". I know Principal Flutie would have said, "Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings." That's the kind of woolly-headed, liberal thinking that leads to being eaten. Giles: I, I think perhaps it was a little more complex than, um... Snyder: This place has quite a reputation. Suicide, missing persons, spontaneous cheerleader combustion...You can't put up with that. You've gotta keep an eye on the bad element. Like those three. Snyder: Kids. I don't like them. From now on you're gonna see a very different Sunnydale High. Tight ship, clean, orderly, and quiet. Giles: It was Emily. Willow: Emily. Dancer Emily? Xander: Oh, man! I hate this school. Buffy: Vampire? Giles: Um, I think not. Buffy: Giles, share! What happened? Giles: Her heart was removed. Willow: Yikes! Buffy: Does that mean anything to you? Besides "Ooooh"? Giles: Uh...There are various demons which, which feed off human hearts, but... Buffy: But demons have claws. And teeth. Xander: They got no use for a big old knife. Giles: Which more than likely makes our murderer... Buffy: Human. Xander: Did I mention that I hate this school? Willow: So Emily was killed by a regular human person. Giles: The evidence certainly points that way. Buffy: No, wait. I-I'm not buying, you guys. Remember the Hellmouth? Mystical activity is totally rife here. This to me says demon. Giles: I'd like to think you're right. A demon is a creature of evil, pure and very simple. A person driven to kill is, is, um, it's more complex. Willow: The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me! It's not, though. Giles: Uh, demon or no, we have some investigating to do. I suggest we start with your...your talent show compatriots. One of them may have been the last to see her alive. Lisa: I didn't know her too well. There's that whole dancer/band rivalry, y'know? Buffy: I've heard about that. Marc: She was happy. I guess. She was psyched to be doing the show. She was a really good dancer. Here, pick a card. Giles: Uh, um... Marc: No, wai-wai-wai-wait. Not that one. Pick this one. Elliot: That smart guy. The one with the dummy. What's his name? Willow: Morgan? Elliot: Yeah, that's it. He was actin' kinda strange. Willow: Strange how? Cordelia: It's just such a tragedy for me. Emma was, like, my best friend. Xander: Emily. Lisa: Well, Morgan's just strange. He's always rubbing his head a lot and moaning. Especially the other day. Cut outside. Marc: He seemed kinda paranoid...Lookin' around at everyone... Cut to the classroom. Elliot: And I think I saw him arguing...with his dummy. Cordelia: All I can think is, it coulda been me! Xander: We can dream. Sid: Right now you and me gotta be on the lookout. Figure out who's gonna be next. Morgan: How are we supposed to...Oh, hi. Buffy: Hello. Morgan: I was just working on throwing my voice. Buffy: Uh, Morgan, did you notice anything weird going on around here yesterday? Morgan: Weird? What d'you mean? Buffy: With Emily. Did she say anything to you, was she arguing with anyone? Morgan: No. She was dancing. Sid and I were talking. Buffy: Talking. Morgan: Rehearsing. Buffy: So, you didn't notice anything weird at... Morgan: Ohhh! Buffy: Morgan, are you okay? Sid: Look, sweetheart! He answered your question. Now leave him alone! Buffy: Okay, Morgan, how 'bout talking to me yourself now? Sid: He said all he's gonna say. Morgan: It's okay, Sid. We're done. Buffy: I'm sorry. Look, I didn't mean to make you mad. Morgan: No! I'm...It's him! He's...We have to go. Buffy: (to herself) Cute couple. Xander: Okay, next time we split up someone else is on Cordy detail. Five more minutes with her and we woulda had another organ donor. Willow: I think I had a bit more luck. Everyone I talked to seemed to point their fingers at the same person. Buffy: Morgan? Willow: Morgan. Xander: We have a winner! Giles: I fear I was led to the same conclusion. Xander: Well, what do we do? We don't slay him, right? We wanna bring him to justice. Willow: We could set up a complex sting operation where we get him to confess! Xander: Uh, I should wear a wire! Buffy: Whoa, hey, you guys, all we know is that Morgan is a grade A large weirdo. That doesn't lead directly to murderer. Xander: Guy talks to his puppet! Willow: And for his puppet. Buffy: Well, yeah, but what about the whole 'it's a demon' theory? Giles: I'm looking into that, but, uh, my investigation is somewhat hampered by our life in the theater. Buffy: Uh, priority check, Giles? Talent show...murder. Xander: Yeah, we can't do the talent show, it's unthinkable. I'm not able to think it! Giles: Principal Snyder is watching us all very closely. Now, if he chooses, he can make all our lives extremely difficult. A Slayer cannot afford that! We will find this murderer, but in the meantime...the show must go on. Buffy: This is so unfair. Giles: Buffy, you, uh, watch Morgan. Check his locker, see if there's anything there. Willow: Like a heart? Giles: Or something. Buffy: Alright. Willow: I'll pull up his locker number. Xander: Can I still wear a wire? Buffy: Okay...Two to the left, three to the right...Principal Snyder! Snyder: What are you doing? Buffy: Uh, looking for something. Snyder: School hours are over. You, therefore, should be gone. Buffy: And I'm going any minute now. Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed. And also smoking. Buffy: Well, I don't do any of those things. Not...ever. Morgan: No, I can't do it! Sid: It's the only way. Morgan: I don't want... Sid: She's the one. Morgan: But... Sid: You saw what she did, how strong she is. Morgan: I know, but... Sid: She's the last! Just this one more, and I'll be free. Morgan: I won't. Sid: I will! Joyce: Hi, hon. How's it, uh, going with the talent show? Buffy: It'll be over soon. Joyce: It can't be that bad! I, for one, am looking forward to seeing your act. Buffy: Seeing? I-in the sense of actually attending? Buffy: Look, Mom, if you really love me, and wanna show your support, you'll stay away. Far away. Joyce: Honey, is there, uh...Is there something bothering you? I-I mean, besides your fabulous debut? Joyce: Honey, what is it? Buffy: In the bed, in the covers there's something! Joyce: Where? Buffy: There's something there. Joyce: Well, well, there, there's nothing there now. Are, are you sure you didn't have a nightmare? Marc: And my lovely assistant steps into the box...And...behold! You were supposed to leave! Cordelia: I don't understand why I...why I have to follow Brett and his stupid band. Giles: Because we have to clear their equipment before the finale. I told you. Cordelia: But the mood! It'll be all wrong! My song is about dignity and human feelings and personal...hygiene or something. Anyway, it's sappy, and no one is gonna be feeling sappy after all that Rock and Roll. Giles: Oh! I'm sorry. Um, your hair, uh... Cordelia: There's something wrong with my hair?...Ohmigod! Giles: (to himself) Xander was right. It worked like a charm. Buffy: Where's Morgan? Giles: Uh, I, I...haven't seen him. Xander: Did he do something to you? Buffy: No, it was his... Sid, the dummy. Okay, everyone look at me like I'm in a bunny suit, 'cause that's how stupid I feel saying this...I think Sid was in my room last night. Willow: With Morgan? Buffy: No. He was alone. And alive. Buffy: Well, I saw something. I-it ran across my floor, under my bed and then it attacked me. Giles: Attacked you? How? Buffy: It was like it pounced on my face. Xander: Like a cat. Buffy: Yeah, exactly! But when I turned the lights on it was already gone. I-I think it went out my window. Xander: Like a cat. Buffy: Yeah! No! It was Sid, the dummy. Buffy: Excuse me? Can I have a little support here, please? I'm not just some crazy person, I'm the Slayer. Xander: The dummy Slayer? There's nothing funny about that. Willow: Well, on the side of the "Morgan's just crazy" theory there is, well, Morgan. Buffy: I'd like to see Morgan without his better half for a few minutes. Bet he could tell me something. Giles: Oh, uh, i-if it's any consolation, I...I may have found a possible demon culprit. The-there's a reference in here to a brotherhood of seven demons who take, uh, the form of young humans. Every seven years these demons need human organs, a-a-a brain anda heart, to maintain their humanity. Otherwise they, they, they revert back to their original form, which is, uh, uh, slightly less appealing. Willow: So Morgan could still be the guy, only demon Morgan instead of crazy Morgan. Giles: It's said that these demons are, are, are preternaturally strong, and, and, and... Morgan is, is...Well, he seems to be getting weaker every day. Cordelia: Looks like someone digs you. That's adorable. You and the dummy could tour in the freak show! Mrs. Jackson: Morgan? Morgan? Morgan: What? Sid: Morgan has other things on his mind. Mrs. Jackson: Give me your puppet. Morgan: I'll put him away. Mrs. Jackson: You'll get it back after school. Okay, then. In the first part of the nineteenth century... Sid: (from inside the cupboard) I'm still watchin' you. Mrs. Jackson: Morgan, that is enough! Mrs. Jackson: Morgan? Morgan? Morgan: What? Sid: Morgan has other things on his mind. Mrs. Jackson: Give me your puppet. Morgan: I'll put him away. Mrs. Jackson: You'll get it back after school. Okay, then. In the first part of the nineteenth century... Sid: (from inside the cupboard) I'm still watchin' you. Mrs. Jackson: Morgan, that is enough! Buffy: Where did you get that? Xander: Oh, I, uh, took it out of Mrs. Jackson's cupboard. I thought you said you wanted to be able to speak to Morgan alone, and uh...well, Morgan's alone, and, uh...Sid's with me. Xander: (manipulating Sid) Hi, Buffy! Hi, Willow! Would you like to hear some off-color jokes? Buffy: I really don't think you should be doing that. Buffy: Xander, quit it! Xander: He's...not...real! I think our demonstration proves that, uh, Sid is wood.Now, why don't you go and find Morgan and prove he's...whatever he is? Giles: I imagine he's looking for his puppet. Buffy: I'll go find Morgan. Xander: (as Sid) Bye-bye, now. I'm completely inanimate. Redrum! Redruuum! Giles: Willow, we have some hunting of our own to do. Willow: Once again I'm banished to the demon section of the card catalog. Giles: You concentrate on re-animation theory. I'll peck about in organ harvesting. Unless, of course, you prefer... Willow: That's okay, you can have the organs. Buffy: Principal Snyder! Snyder: Looking for something? Buffy: Have you seen Morgan Shay? Snyder: You know, with everything that's been going on recently, I'm not sure how safe it is for a girl like yourself to be here...alone. Buffy: Well, I was just leaving. And I know how to take care of myself. Snyder: Alright, then. Willow: Look what I found in the section on toys and magic: "On rare occasions inanimate objects of human quality, such as dolls and mannequins, already mystically possessed of consciousness, have acted upon their desire to become human by harvesting organs." Giles: Emily's heart. Willow: Morgan's dummy. Giles: Mm. Xander: Whoa! Giles: What is it? Xander: He's gone! Sid's gone! Giles: What? Oh! Willow: Uhhh! Buffy: Morgan? Morgan! Demon's got himself a brain. Buffy: Who's ever out there, I'm gonna hurt you! Badly! If you'll just gimme a minute... Sid: You win. Now you can take your heart and your brain and move on. Buffy: I'm sure they would have made great trophies for your case. Sid: That woulda been justice. Buffy: Yeah, except for one thing: you lost, and now you'll never be human. Sid: Yeah, well, neither will you. Buffy and Sid: What? Sid: The kid here was right all along. I shoulda picked you to team up with. But I didn't because... Buffy: Because you thought I was the demon. Sid: Who can blame me for thinking? Look at you! You're strong, athletic, limber...nubile...I'm back! In any case, now that this demon's got the heart and brain, he gets to keep the human form he's in for another seven years. Giles: I must say, it's a welcome change to have someone else explain all these things. Sid: There were seven of these guys. I've killed six. If I can get the last one, the curse will be lifted and I'll be free. I'm sure it's someone in that stupid talent show. Buffy: Yeah, but now that demon has what he wants. He'll be moving on. Sid: So, once we know who's missing from the show... Buffy: We'll know who our demon is! Giles: The show! Buffy: What? Giles: It's gonna start! I'm supposed to be there! Buffy: Okay, um, start pulling everyone's addresses in the talent show. I-if they're not there, maybe we can catch them at home. Sid: And you, get 'em all on stage, form the power circle. Then we can see who's a no-show. Giles: Um, uh, the what? Sid: The power circle. You get everyone together, you get 'em, you know, revved up. Giles: Right. Sid: How'd he ever get that gig? Giles: Fifteen minutes to curtain, everyone! Uh, fifteen minutes! Cordelia: I, I can't go out there. All those people staring at me and judging me like I'm some kind of...Buffy! What if I mess up? Giles: Cordelia, there, uh, there-there's, uh, uh, an adage, uh, that, uh, if you're feeling nervous then, uh, you should imagine the entire audience are in their underwear. Cordelia: Eww! Even Mrs. Franklin? Uhhh! Giles: Perhaps not. Cordelia: Yeah. Giles: Um, alright, um, we'll assemble on the stage in five minutes for the, um, uh, power thing. Sid: So, what's your deal, kid? I don't figure you for a demon hunter. Buffy: I'm a Vampire Slayer. Sid: You?! You're the Slayer? Damn! I knew a Slayer in the 30's. Korean chick. Very hot. We're talking muscle tone. Man, we had some times. Hey, that was pre-dummy, alright? Buffy: So, you kill the demon and the curse is lifted, right? Sid: That's the drill. Buffy: You don't actually turn into a prince, do you? I-I mean, your body... Sid: Is dust and bones. When I say free... Buffy: You mean dead. Sid: Don't get sniffly on me, sis. I've lived a lot longer than most demon hunters. Or Slayers, for that matter....Of course, if you want to snuggle up and comfort me... Buffy: So, that horny dummy thing really isn't an act, is it? Giles: I-is everybody here? Sid: Okay, here comes our line-up. Giles: Quickly, everyone! Uh... um, power circle. Well, that's that, then. Um, everybody, uh, get ready! Buffy: Hold on. Giles: No one's missing. Buffy: So the demon isn't in the show. Xander: So, the dummy tells us that he's a demon hunter. And we're, like, fine, la la la la. He takes off, and now there's a brain. Does anybody else feel like they've been Keyser Soze'd? Buffy: Sid's on the level, I'm sure of it. But why would the demon have rejected the brain? I-I mean, I thought Morgan was the smartest kid in school. Willow: Look at this! "In case of emergency, contact Dr. Dale Leggett, California Institute of Neurosurgery, Cancer Ward." Xander: Brain cancer? Willow: That's why he had all the headaches. Buffy: This means that whatever's out there still needs a healthy, intelligent brain. Xander: In other words, I'm safe! Buffy: And it's gonna be looking for the smartest person around. Willow: What? Giles: Yes, if you, you calibrated the units of weight then you could calculate the, uh, specific maximum velocity achieved before the point of impact. Marc: Gee, Mr. Giles, you're really...smart! Could you do me a favor? Willow: What could a demon possibly want from me? Xander: What's the square root of 841? Willow: 29. Oh, yeah. Buffy: Don't worry, Willow. As long as you're with us there's absolutely no way that demon is gonna get what he wants. Giles: Oh, my! Marc: Pretty cool, huh? Giles: Are you sure there's no one else who could help you out? Marc: My assistant got sick. You won't have to say anything. I'll, I'll show you. Lie down. Giles: Uh, uh, how, how exactly does it work? Marc: A good magician never tells his secrets. Xander: I still vote dummy. Buffy: No. Okay, so we ruled out all the people in the talent show... Willow: That's because they were all there. But that's before we found the brain. Buffy: Right. So it probably is one of them. And and Giles doesn't know! He's with them all right now! Xander: Uch! Giles can handle himself. I mean, he is really...smart! Giles: Sh-sh-shouldn't it be aimed at my neck? Marc: No. No, this way your scalp gets sliced off and your brains just...come pouring out. Giles: What exactly is the trick? Marc: Trick? Giles: Uh...I must say, all of you...Your t-timing is impeccable. Sid: And now for the big finish. Buffy: What are you doing? Sid: It's not enough. He'll come back. You have to get the heart. Then all of this'll be over. Buffy: Let me. Sid: I got it. Thanks. Snyder: I don't get it. What is it? Avant-garde? Willow: Oh, ruler of my country, Oedipus, you see our company around the Altar, and I, the priest of Zeus! Xander: Ha, ha! They prophesize that I should kill my father. But he is dead. And hidden deep in the soil. But surely I must fear my mother's bed. Buffy: Oh, Oedipus, Oedipus, unhappy Oedipus, that is all I can call you, and all that I ever shall call you. Xander: Darkness! And horror of darkness. Unfolding, restless, visitant, sped by an ill wind in haste. Madness, and...Madness a-and stabbing pain, and, a-and, uh...oh... oh...memory of, uh, i-ill deeds I have done. prev episode next episode