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Quotes | Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S1/Ep2 (2)
"The Harvest"

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Giles: This world is older than any of you know. Contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a paradise. For untold eons demons walked the Earth. They made it their home, their...their Hell. But in time they lost their purchase on this reality. The way was made for mortal animals, for, for man. All that remains of the old ones are vestiges, certain magicks, certain creatures...
Buffy: And vampires.
Xander: Okay, this is where I have a problem. See, because we're talking about vampires. We're having a talk with vampires in it.
Willow: Isn't that what we saw last night?
Buffy: No. No, th-those weren't vampires, those were just guys in thundering need of a facial. Or maybe they had rabies. It could have been rabies. A-and that guy turning to dust? Just a trick of light. That's exactly what I said the first time I saw a vampire. Well, after I was done with the screaming part.
Willow: Oh, I, I need to sit down.
Buffy: You are sitting down.
Willow: Oh. Good for me.
Giles: The books tell the last demon to leave this reality fed off a human, mixed their blood. He was a human form possessed, infected by the demon's soul. He bit another, and another, and so they walk the Earth, feeding...Killing some, mixing their blood with others to make more of their kind. Waiting for the animals to die out, and the old ones to return.
Luke: An offering, Master.
Darla: He's a good one! His blood is pure!
Master: You've tasted it. I'm your...faithful dog. You bring me scraps.
Master: I have waited. For three score years I have waited. While you come and go I am stuck here, here in this house of...worship! My ascension is almost at hand. Pray that when it comes...I'm in a better mood.
Luke: And there was a girl. She fought well and she knew of our breed. It is possible that she may be...
Master: ...a Slayer!
Giles: For as long as there have been vampires, there's been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One.
Buffy: He loves doing this part.
Giles: Alright. The Slayer hunts vampires, Buffy is a Slayer, don't tell anyone. Well, I think that's all the vampire information you need.
Buffy: Jesse is my responsibility. I let him get taken.
Xander: That's not true.
Willow: If you hadn't shown up they would have taken us, too. Does anybody mind if I pass out?
Willow: Uh, this may be the dumb question, but shouldn't we call the police?
Giles: And they'd believe us, of course.
Willow: Well, we don't have to say vampires. We, we could just say that there's a, a bad man.
Buffy: I looked around, but soon's they got clear of the graveyard, they could have just, voom!
Xander: They can fly?
Buffy: They can drive.
Xander: Oh.
Master: If she is a Slayer, and this boy lives, she'll try to save him.
Luke: I thought you nothing more than a meal, boy. Congratulations. You've just been upgraded. To bait.
Giles: So, all the city plans are just, uh, open to the public?
Willow: Um, well, i-in a way. I sort of stumbled onto them when I accidentally decrypted the city council's security system.
Xander: Someone's been naughty.
Xander: So, what's the plan? We saddle up, right?
Buffy: There's no "we", okay? I'm the Slayer, and you're not.
Xander: I knew you'd throw that back in my face.
Buffy: Xander, this is deeply dangerous.
Xander: I'm inadequate. That's fine. I'm less than a man.
Willow: Buffy, I'm not anxious to go into a dark place full of monsters. But I do want to help. I need to.
Giles: Well, then help me. I've been researching this Harvest affair. It seems to be some sort of preordained massacre. Rivers of blood, Hell on Earth, quite charmless. I'm a bit fuzzy, however, on the details. It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine...That was a bit, um, British, wasn't it?
Buffy: Welcome to the New World.
Giles: I want you to go on the 'Net.
Mr. Flutie: We're not leaving school grounds, are we?
Buffy: No! No, I'm...just admiring the fence. You know, this is quality fence work.
Mr. Flutie: Because if we were leaving schools grounds on our second day at a new school, after getting kicked out of our old school for delinquent behavior...Do you see where I'm going with this?
Mr. Flutie: Well, maybe that's how they do things in Britain, they've got that royal family and all kinds of problems, but here at Sunnydale nobody leaves campus while school's in session. Are we clear?
Willow: Murder, death, disaster. What else?
Xander: Paranormal, unexplained, did you get natural disasters?
Willow: Earthquake, flood.
Xander: Rain of Toads.
Willow: Right.
Xander: Rain of Toads! Do you think they'd have anything like that in the paper?
Willow: I'll put it on the computer search. If it's in there, it'll turn up. Anything that'll lead us to vampires.
Xander: And I, in the meantime, will help by standing around like an idiot.
Willow: Not like an idiot, just...standing. Buffy doesn't want you getting hurt.
Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, "Uh-oh, pop quiz". Today it's "Rain of Toads".
Xander: Nobody knows. It's like we've got this big secret.
Willow: We do. That's what a secret is, when you know something other guys don't.
Buffy: I don't suppose you've got a key on you?
Angel: They really don't like me dropping in.
Buffy: Why not?
Angel: They really don't like me.
Buffy: How could that possibly be?
Angel: I knew you'd figure out this entryway sooner or later. Actually, I thought it was gonna be a little sooner.
Buffy: Okay. Look, if you're gonna be popping up with this Cryptic Wise Man act on a regular basis, can you at least tell me your name?
Angel: Angel.
Buffy: Angel. It's a pretty name.
Angel: Don't...go down there.
Buffy: Deal with my going.
Angel: You shouldn't be putting yourself at risk. Tonight is the Harvest. Unless you can prevent it, the Master walks.
Buffy: Well, if this Harvest thing is such a suckfest, why don't you stop it?
Buffy: I've got a friend down there. Or at least a potential friend. Do you know what it's like to have a friend? That wasn't supposed to be a stumper.
Buffy: Xander, what are you doing here?!
Xander: Something stupid. I followed you.
Xander: Okay, so, crosses, garlic, stake through the heart.
Buffy: That'll get it done.
Xander: Cool! Of course, I don't actually have any of those things.
Buffy: Good thinking.
Xander: Well, the part of my brain that would tell me to bring that stuff is still busy telling me not to come down here.
Xander: So, what else?
Buffy: What else what?
Xander: For vampire slayage.
Buffy: Oh, fire, beheading, sunlight, holy water, the usual.
Xander: You've done some beheading in your time?
Buffy: Oh, yeah. There was this time I was pinned down by this guy that played left tackle for varsity. Well, at least he used to before he was a vampire. Anyway, he had this really, really thick neck, and all I had was a little, little Exact-O knife...You're not loving this story.
Xander: No, actually, I find it oddly comforting.
Giles: "For they will gather and be gathered. From the Vessel pours life." P...Pours life..."On the night of the crescent moon, the first past the solstice it will come..." Of course. That's tonight!
Cordelia: Why do we have to devise these programs, isn't that what nerds are for?
Cordelia: So anyway, I come outta the bathroom, and she comes running at me. Screaming! With a stick! "I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you!" I swear!
Boy: Who?
Cordelia: Buffy!
Harmony: The new girl?
Boy: What's her deal?
Cordelia: Well, she's crazed.
Willow: She's not a psycho. You don't even know her.
Cordelia: Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist? Do I horn in on your private discussions? No. Why? Because you're boring.
Harmony: Okay, I think the program's done.
Cordelia: Finally the nightmare ends! Okay, so how do we save it?
Willow: Deliver.
Cordelia: Deliver? Where's that? Oh!
Buffy: They're close.
Xander: How can you tell?
Buffy: No more rats.
Xander: Jesse, man, are you okay?
Jesse: I am not okay, on an epic scale.
Jesse: We gotta get outta here!
Xander: It's cool, Buffy's a superhero.
Jesse: They knew you were gonna come. They said that I...I was the bait.
Xander: Oh, great, now you tell us.
Buffy: I don't think this is the way out!
Xander: We can't fight our way back through those things. What do we do?
Jesse: I got an idea. You can die!
Xander: Jesse, man. I'm sorry.
Jesse: Sorry? I feel good, Xander! I feel strong! I'm connected, man, to everything! I, I can hear the worms in the earth!
Xander: That's a plus.
Xander: Jesse, man. We're buds, don't you remember?
Jesse: You're like a shadow to me now.
Xander: Then get outta my face.
Master: She escaped? She walks free when I should be drinking her heart's blood right now? Careless...
Master: You are all weak. It has been too long since you have faced the Slayer. Huh. It is no matter to me. She will not stop the Harvest. Just means there'll be someone worth killing...when I reach the surface.
Giles: Did you find anything of interest?
Willow: I think, maybe...I surfed through the old newspapers around the time of that big earthquake back in '37? And for several months before there were a rash of murders.
Giles: Great! I-I mean, well, not, not 'great' in a good way, uh, um, uh, go on?
Willow: Well, they sound like the kind you were looking for. Throats, blood...
Giles: It's all coming together. I rather wish it weren't.
Master: My blood is your blood. My soul is your soul.
Luke: My body is your instrument.
Master: On this...most hallowed night...we are as one. Luke is the Vessel! Every soul he takes will feed me. And their souls will grant me the strength to free myself. Tonight I shall walk the Earth, and the stars themselves will hide!
Willow: Did you find Jesse?
Xander: Yeah.
Willow: Was he dead?
Buffy: Worse. I'm sorry, Willow. We were too late. And they were waiting for us.
Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good.
Buffy: So, Giles! Got anything that can make this day any worse?
Giles: How about the end of the world?
Buffy: Knew I could count on you.
Giles: This is what we know. Some sixty years ago, a very old, very powerful vampire came to this shore, not just to feed.
Buffy: He came 'cause this town's a mystical who's it.
Giles: Yes. The Spanish who first settled here called it 'Boca del Infierno'. Roughly translated, "Hellmouth". It's a sort of, um, portal between this reality and the next. This vampire hopes to open it.
Buffy: Bring the demons back.
Xander: End of the world.
Giles: You see, opening dimensional portals is a tricky business. Odds are he got himself stuck, rather like a, uh, cork in a bottle.
Xander: And this Harvest thing is to get him out.
Giles: It comes once in a century, on this night. The Master can draw power from one of his minions while it feeds. Enough power to break free and open the portal. The minion is called the Vessel, and he bears this symbol.
Buffy: So, I dust anyone sporting that symbol, and no Harvest.
Giles: Simply put, yes.
Buffy: Any idea where this little get-together is being held?
Giles: There, there are a number of possibilities.
Xander: They're goin' to the Bronze.
Willow: Are you sure?
Xander: Come on. All those tasty young morsels all over the place?
Buffy: Mom, I promise, it is not gonna be like before. But I have to go.
Joyce: No.
Buffy: Mom?!
Joyce: The tapes all say I should get used to saying it. No.
Buffy: This is really, really important.
Joyce: I know. If you don't go out it'll be the end of the world. Everything is life or death when you're a sixteen-year-old girl.
Cordelia: Senior boys are the only way to go. Guys from our grade, forget about it, they're children. Y'know? Like Jesse. Did you see him last night, following me around like a little puppy dog. You just wanna put him to sleep. But senior boys, hmm, they have mystery. They have...What's the word I'm searching for? Cars! I just am not the type to settle. Y'know? It's like when I go shopping. I have to have the most expensive thing. Not because it's expensive, but because it costs more.
Girl: You know, I...
Cordelia: Hello, Miss Motormouth, can I get a sentence finished? Oh, I love this song! Come on!
Luke: Ladies and Gentlemen! There is no cause for alarm. Actually, there is cause for alarm. It just won't do any good.
Cordelia: I thought there wasn't any band tonight.
Luke: This is a glorious night! It is also the last one any of you shall ever see. Bring me the first.
Doorman: What do you guys want, man, huh? You want money? Man, what's wrong with your faces?
Buffy: It's locked!
Giles: We're too late!
Buffy: I didn't know I was gonna get grounded!
Buffy: Uh, wait! Guys! Here! You get the exit cleared and the people out. That's all! Don't go Wild Bunch on me.
Xander: We've gotta get in there before Jesse does something stupider than usual.
Giles: You listen to me! Jesse is dead! You have to remember that when you see him, you're not looking at your friend. You're looking at the thing that killed him.
Jesse: This one's mine!
Darla: They're all for the Master.
Jesse: I don't get one?
Luke: Tonight is his ascension. Tonight will be history at its end! Yours is a glorious sacrifice! Degradation most holy. What? No volunteers?!
Buffy: Okay, Vessel boy. You want blood?
Luke: I want yours! Only yours!
Buffy: Works for me.
Xander: Jesse! I know there's still a part of you in there.
Jesse: Okay...Let's deal with this. Jesse was an excruciating loser who couldn't get a date with anyone in the sighted community! Look at me. I'm a new man!
Buffy: There's something you forgot about, too. Sunrise!...It's in about nine hours, moron.
Angel: She did it! I'll be damned!
Giles: I take it it's over.
Willow: Did we win?
Buffy: Well, we averted the Apocalypse. I give us points for that.
Xander: One thing's for sure: nothing's ever gonna be the same.
Cordelia: Well, I heard it was rival gangs. You know, fighting for turf? But all I can tell you is they were an ugly way of looking. And Buffy, like, knew them! Which is just too weird. I mean, I don't even remember that much, but I'm telling you, it was a freak show!
Girl: Oh, I wish I'd been there!
Cordelia: You should have been there. It was so creepy...
Buffy: What exactly were you expecting?
Xander: I don't know, something. I mean, the dead rose. We should at least have an assembly.
Giles: People have a tendency to rationalize what they can and forget what they can't.
Giles: We've prevented the Master from freeing himself and opening the Mouth of Hell. That's not to say he's going to stop trying. I'd say the fun is just beginning.
Willow: More vampires?
Giles: Not just vampires. The next threat we face may be something quite different.
Buffy: I can hardly wait!
Giles: We're at the center of a mystical convergence here. We may, in fact, stand between the Earth and its total destruction.
Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school!
Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan. 'Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, y'know, like excessive not studying.
Giles: (to himself) The Earth is doomed.
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